On Thursday, an Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) was detonated in the 3M stacks within Rush Rhees Library, effectively shutting down the Internet on  River Campus. This is the second time an EMP has been blamed for shuttering the Internet this semester. 

“We are working hard to restore the Internet on River Campus following the most recent incident,” Beep Boop, the head of UR’s IT emergency response, said in a handwritten statement posted on the doors to Rush Rhees Library. “This is an unprecedented time for infrastructure on campus.”

The source of the most recent EMP blast is unclear at the time of publication, but the UR Robotics club is under investigation according to a source familiar with ongoing investigations. 

“We were just attempting to test the library robot and it started smoking before the Internet cut out,” sophomore Nott Acriminal told the CT. “I highly doubt it was us. The robot can only pick up books and put them down. How could it have sent out a EMP?”

Last month’s blast, which managed to wreak havoc on telecommunications infrastructure across western NY for three days, was the result of a botched LLE (Laser Laboratory for Energetics) experiment. Scientists miscalculated the laser angle which managed to escape the lab and strike the main fiber optic cable.

Students told the CT it was just another day at UR.

“I honestly didn’t notice,” disgruntled senior Ethan Busch told the CT. “I thought the Wi-Fi just broke down again like normal.”

Many students are turning to non-Internet based communications given the unreliable nature of the Internet. One student is starting a telegraph firm. “We are hoping to be operationable at the end of the month,” Boop told the CT. “Telegraphs are reliable and will create jobs. It’s going to be wonderful.”

Live updates: Wallis Hall sit-ins

Editor’s Note (5/4/24): This article is no longer being updated. For our most up to date coverage, look for articles…

Notes by Nadia: The myth of summer vacation

Summer vacation is no longer a vacation.

A reality in fiction: the problem of representation

Oftentimes, rather than embracing femininity as part of who they are, these characters only retain traditionally masculine traits.