Good day, ladies and gents. I’m here to talk about an important issue that is usually uncomfortably avoided, with the exception of fourth and fifth grade health classes. Thats right—sex, or the “birdies and the beesies,” if you prefer. A tough week is coming to the end, and I know I have been looking forward to a weekend full of relaxing—but totally safe—sex. What is that, you ask? Yes, indeed: I do practice safe sex. What is that, you ask again? Yes, I did exaggerate that I’d be having sex this weekend to illustrate a point.
The night is old. After a long, romantic, classy dinner at Danforth on Friday night, you and your significant other begin the trek up Sue B.’s stairs. You both know what’s next: it’s been a similar routine since meeting “the one” at school.
The lights will go off. The sensual music that attracts lovers and studiers (maybe I just listen to weird songs while I study) begins blasting in the background.
First, it’s a peck. It’s cute. It’s playful. It only kind of interrupts the episode of “New Girl” the two of you were watching on Netflix.
Then, it escalates. The makeout session is on. The seconds fly by and the action begins to shift from a lot of lip and a little tongue to the opposite. Shirts begin to fly. All clothes are off except socks.
You stare your future lover in the eye to decide if it’s worth the time to get those hip patterned socks off your feet. It often is.
Just as it is always worth the time to take off those pesky socks, I am here to enlighten you on reasons it is also worth it to use a rubber.
First off, word on the street is that STDs aren’t ideal. You could get a minor bump in an area that makes you ask, “Is that Herpes?” and turns out to be HPV. Still though, I don’t think anyone really wants HPV, or even genital warts. Worst case scenario, it’s HIV: a lethal retrovirus. Regular viruses are enough of a pain, imagine a retrovirus. It targets your immune system. Fungal infections can become common.Oh, and additionally, the price of pills has skyrocketed.
A second and final reason to use a condom: kids. I, personally, practice safe sex due to a fear of kids (that’s probably not the real reason).
Can you imagine? I can barely take care of myself. What would I do if I had a Mini-Me rolling around campus? I’d be a terrible dad. Friday night parties? Nope. All nighters in the library, only to take care of my child. Reading the Campus Times on Thursday, only in the bathroom.
Long story short, when you pause to take off those pesky socks, put on a condom. Do it for fewer STDs, fewer kids and safer sex.
Kuhrt is a member of the class of 2017.
