Let’s face it. College is a busy place with busy people. Sometimes, we forget when our laundry is piling up and needs our attention. It gets so out of hand sometimes that when people are flying over Rochester, instead of seeing snow, they believe that they are seeing people’s neglected white articles of clothing. As an Economics major, with the free time that I have available, I sit and perform a cost-benefit analysis by weighing whether to study more or go to sleep. Just kidding.

For the time it would take to figure out whether or not to sleep, I wouldn’t have any time left to sleep. I seem to be digressing, so before this turns into an economics lecture, I’ll get back to my purpose for writing this article. I think that it would be really neat if colleges implemented a system where they hired parents to help students with their day-to-day mundane tasks. These rent-a-parents could help wash, dry, fold and place your laundry into their drawers. Sounds like a novel idea, right? The only potential risk for this is when the rent-a-parent barges into your room at 6:00 a.m. complaining that not all your laundry was put into the hamper, or, the rent-a-parent scolds you for messing up the laundry that he or she had just folded.

Another great perk of rent-a-parent is its ability to motivate you and offer you advice on how to approach certain situations.

When you get back from class and decide to take a nap or browse the interweb, rent-a-parent will motivate you with words of encouragement like, “Are you doing your homework?” or “What the hell are you doing? Is that Netflix? Get back to your studies, and stop screwing around!” The second one was from personal experience. What about when you ask rent-a-parent for advice? Let’s say that you come to rent-a-parent for advice on your next humor article. Naturally, you ask what she thinks about it. Rent-a-parent would respond with constructive criticism like “This is utter crap,” and “This is almost as bad as the macaroni dinosaur picture that you made in second grade.”

Most importantly, rent-a-parent can offer the unconditional love that your biological parent do, unless you commit petit larceny. Rent-a-parent wouldn’t be too keen on that. With the economy as it stands, rent-a-parent can’t afford to post your bail. Plus, it isn’t your real parent. You can’t expect rent-a-parent, a person who isn’t your real parent, to love you or even approve of you after you have just committed petit larceny. I don’t even care about the joke itself. I just think petit larceny sounds funny and would be a good addition to the humor section.

Chiodo is a member of
the class of 2017.

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