Over the weekend, I received a suggestion from a few good friends of mine about a classic alcohol tradition. While it wasn’t an alcohol to review or a viewpoint to discuss, it was important enough to merit its own column.

I am a prolific drinker of high class spirits and beer. As I’ve said before, it’s a pretty sure bet that what I drink is many times more classy and sophisticated than the person drinking it.

I tend not to scarf these delectable drinkables down as fast as possible but rather savor them (because they cost a lot). So, as such, drinking games of all varieties are a foreign and new thing to me.

Over the weekend I was invited to witness one of the more sacred rites of alcohol induction: Edward Forty Hands. A college classic that is a spoof of the movie ‘Edward Scissorhands,” it involves duct taping 40-ounce bottles to the hands of players and forcing them to drink the contents before doing anything else. Not only was this an outrageous event but an important event as well. But enough of my prattling on here’s what happened.

It was a gloriously warm November Saturday when I got the call to attend this event. They needed someone to document the night and, being the intrepid CT reporter that I am, I stepped up to the plate. I arrived at the showdown just in time to help everyone suit up.

Unfortunately, since forties couldn’t be found, four 22-ounce bottles were used instead. My job was to duct tape the bottles on and help them get the bottles off when they were done, as well as take pictures and play DJ.

Trust me, after watching a few of them desperately paw at a Mac keyboard with two mammoth bottles of beer strapped to their hands, I felt it was a good idea to take over for the night.

The night was an intriguing one, to be sure. One friend of mine went for a heroic record, achieving a drinking quota that could only be reached by a lumberjack/pirate or Chuck Norris. My other friend and I took turns singing Queen and swigging from a very expensive bottle of Ommegang Brewery’s Three Philosophers: a mix of a cherry beer and a Belgian tripel that clocked in at a hefty 9.8 percent ABV.

There were various amounts of dancing for most, while I kept watch on everyone to make sure they were all right. I am a responsible reporter you can count on that.
And don’t worry, administration, everyone there was over 21. One of the benefits of being over 21 is pretty much everyone else you know is over 21 as well. All in all, it was an excellent night that lives up to the iconic college dream, in every which way possible.
No, seriously. There were some classic ‘college movie” moments. It was pretty great. I tell you that story to bring you a moral. I talk in great lengths about wonderful beverages of both glory and ill-repute, but sometimes I fear that I overstep myself.

I don’t really want to be a pretentious fool. I don’t want to sound like that stereotypical wine guy you see in movies who either gets punched in the face for being so pompous or is found out to be a complete fraud.

Sometimes, dear readers, the beverage doesn’t matter. Sometimes what’s more important are the friends you share the beverage with and the good times that ensue. I won’t lie; while I was there I was drinking Natty Light. But it tasted so very delicious because I was in the company of great friends.

So if you’re taking my columns as gospel truth, I suggest renting some movies, getting a pizza, inviting some friends over, obtaining the cheapest 24-pack you can find and putting this to the test. I guarantee you that the beer won’t matter but the camaraderie will.

As per usual, my e-mail is on the bottom of the article. I’d love to hear about your classic drinking moments or any moments you want to share. I’m also open to suggestions, general comments, and the occasional snide remark. But make it a good snide remark, please.

Spolverino is a member of the class of 2010.
His e-mail address is scott.spolverino@rochester.edu.



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