Technically, an orgasm is defined as a highly pleasurable, climactic response during sex, the peak of sexual pleasure, that is the result of a complex interaction of physical, emotional and hormonal factors. In men, it is usually at the time of ejaculation.

But for those of us who aren’t doctors, it’s like the promised land of our sex lives, the place most of us are traveling toward. Some are willing to wander around in the sexual desert for years, just looking for that moment of sweet release. We’re all trying to get to the orgasm. For some, it seems unattainable. Like Moses, they’re forced to sit close to what they want and yet they’re unable to reach it.

An orgasm isn’t necessarily a simple, easy thing. It’s tied up with our minds and our feelings, both of which can either help us get to the end point or stall us endlessly along the way.There’s no magical activity that can make any person orgasm. We’re all different. If you’re one of the men or women who has trouble getting there, the best thing you can do is practice by yourself. That way, you can learn what you like and start to cater to the unique and sexy beast hidden deep inside.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I mean that you should masturbate. If you’re not comfortable pleasuring yourself, chances are slim you’ll be right as rain with someone else doing it. Practice makes perfect, and nobody can gauge your body and your responses better than you can.Give the ol’ orgasm a good shot, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Striving for something elusive can be frustrating.

Just remember that anything worth doing takes time. The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll become and the closer you’ll get to your desired destination. Although it’s easy to forget in a society that stresses the sexiness of taboos, being comfortable is a key ingredient in sexual pleasure.

It’s going to be even harder to get off if you’re worried about what your partner will think about you, the diseases you could be getting and whether or not you’re doing it right. Playing on your own can help alleviate some of these worries.
Remember, too, that orgasms don’t have to be the be-all and end-all of your sexual pleasure. They’re nice to have, sure, but they’re not everything. There are so many other fun things to do in bed.

I’ve found that as I get more comfortable with sex (and as I masturbate more often), orgasm is far from the most important part of a sexual encounter. I can have one of those by myself whenever I want! It’s more about connection. I don’t mean that in some new-age, swoon-inducing way. A connection could be hard and fast and dirty. What makes sex fun and exciting is not the orgasm but the interaction.

It’s quite possible to have a fulfilling sexual experience without having an orgasm or to have an orgasm without a fulfilling sexual experience. Try to pay attention to the pleasure and maybe even the intimacy of the rest of what you’re doing.Take skin touching for example: skin feels good in its own right, even when it’s not leading directly to orgasm.
Any part of the body can be an erogenous zone if you give it the right amount of attention.
Mouths, ears, shoulders, legs, feet you name it, it can feel sexy.

Whether you’re still chasing that strange climactic sensation or you diddle yourself to orgasm several times daily, keep it in perspective. Sex has so much to offer. Enjoy your orgasms, but don’t forget to have fun with everything else, too.

Waddill is a member of the class of 2009.

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