Welcome to Life, Love… Sport (moronic publicists Edition). This issue is dedicated to all the brave men and women who spew nonsense in the name of famous athletes. Exhibit A is Terrell Owens’s woman of words Kim Etheridge for her truly horrific display in the wake of the T.O suicide incident.

It just goes to show that perhaps he’s not a man who values quality representation. First, Drew Rosenhaus makes T.O. look like a complete jackass in front of the cameras (as if he needed another reason for people to hate him), then the debacle at the suicide press conference. The only client left for Kim Etheridge is Bill Romanowski (he of the bar fights and steroid rages against teammates).

I can, however, say that I understand why Owens would try to attempt suicide. Getting trashed in the media for the last several years, culminating in that awkward workout in the driveway would drive almost anyone to pain pills.

Then he gets to play with Drew Bledsoe, a quarterback whose skills have declined to the point that he was benched in favor of a sixth-round draft choice in New England and a kid from Tulane who broke his leg.

Combine that with the fact that he has to play second fiddle to Terry Glenn, TERRY GLENN for Christ’s sake, I’d overdose on pills myself.

Keeping with tradition, the LLS will now take over the Pressbox’s affiliation with the University of Missouri Tigers, mainly because I wrote the Pressbox, so I get to take it with me wherever I go. Now I don’t want to brag, but the Tigers have compiled a pretty sweet 5-0 record, culminating with a drubbing of the University of Colorado Buffaloes. With our poster-boy Chase Daniels having dreams of Heisman in 2007, we here in Life, Love?Sport are having dreams of a BCS bowl this year. While most people will say that the team’s meteoric rise has to do with defense (it does) or offense (very true), I give you another reason why Missouri is ranked and rolling, their kickers have yet to miss an extra point.

It is well known that an extra point in football is a gimme play, sort of like the free throw in basketball or the penalty kick in soccer. Of course it’s acceptable to miss once in a blue moon, but more often than not, a PAT should be money in the bank.

However, it seems that major football programs forget the fact that you need to have someone to make these kicks. Too often do games in the SEC and other major conferences come down to some pathetic, misshaped guy shanking a PAT or a 20-yard field goal wide right and losing the game.

Every D-I school has the opportunity for 85 scholarships for the football team, can’t they find one guy that can make field goals? Is it that difficult to look for a kicker who can make a PAT? Meanwhile, schools like Louisiana Tech, Troy University and South Dakota State, hardly football powerhouses, seem to find all the good kickers. What’s their secret? I have a dream that one day we should all be treated to a game that doesn’t come down to a nervous freshman trying to kick a 30-yarder in front of a full house. Is that too much to ask?

In other news, hockey has started again! Let’s just move on.

The baseball playoffs are upon us. Which means it’s just another autumn of answering A-Rod choke questions, listening to fans complain about terrible umpires and watching the Oakland A’s lose another divisional series. Let the spectacle begin!

The LLS loves fights in sports, it’s a welcome diversion from the rules and regulation of organized sports. However, even I looked on in horror as Albert Haynesworth ripped off the helmet of Dallas center Andre Gurode and stomped on his head. Not only was he fined and suspended, but his reputation has been destroyed. And fittingly, an issue that started with a moronic publicist ends with a moronic player.

Final Fact:

Quarterback Rating Formulaa= (((Comp/Att) * 100) -30) / 20 b= ((TDs/Att) * 100) / 5c= (9.5 – ((Int/Att) * 100)) / 4d= ((Yards/Att) – 3) / 4QB Rating= (a + b + c + d)/ .06

Maystrovsky’s column appears weekly. He can be reached at maystrovsky@campustimes.org.

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