Archive: Apr 2003

By GooseMy WingmanAt this morning's press conference senior Allen Fitzsimmons made an announcement that shocked the UR community. It's official - Fitzsimmons will return to UR next year, but instead of being on the squash courts he'll return to captain the Dance Dance Revolution team in their second season."I was doubtful for a while, but […]

BY TONY MANEROStayin' AliveUniversity President Thomas "Michael" Jackson announced yesterday that work would begin on building a giant plexiglass dome over the River Campus as part of the Renaissance Plan.The announcement came during a special closed-door executive session held last week, sources close to Jackson say. "I've [been] tired - of [UR] students [complaining]," Jackson […]

Oh boy. Last night was fun. Yes my friends, I finally bought a dime bag and enjoyed a nice puff of the weed.Cannabis, pot, weed, joint, whatever - it's all good stuff. I didn't know what I was missing.It felt great. I had no freaking clue what was going on. The walls whizzed by in […]

FORGET TOM "JACKO" JACKSON'S SO-CALLED "RENAISSANCE PLAN." THE AGE OF THE GREEN IS UPON US. UNDER MY NEW REGIME, I MEAN, PLAN - A LITTLE SOMETHING I LIKE TO CALL THE "REVOLUTION PLAN," ALL DEPARTMENTS, BUILDINGS, PROGRAMS, TEAMS, CLUBS AND DINING FACILITIES WILL FALL UNDER THE LARGE AND SPACIOUS UMBRELLA OF MY OFFICE. CONSOLIDATING ALL […]

Misconceptions abound about the Campus Campus Revolution and its quality. Contrary to popular belief, we are never inaccurate and any quotes used are direct and exact. The administration and the students attempt to slander the name of the CCR and degrade our establishment, but it must be defended. We are an upstanding and well put-together […]