We really don’t know. Recent attempts to recover food from the Pit have been completely unsuccessful.

On various nights in the past week we’ve been unable to get eggs or ketchup from the Grill, Roast Beef, Tomatos or Meatballs from Blimpies, any pizza or a soft drink as there was no carbonation.

We (in the royal sense) have completely given up on ever getting a panini. The cute little George Foreman grill they use is usually turned off when we drop by.

We figure it’s too much for them to actually keep equipment and food available until the official closing time at midnight.

The one time we actually got a panini, Heather (as a dining services employee she has no last name) seemed completely unable to recognize that by rotating a panini 45 degrees you destroy the signature grooves and end up with squished, half cooked crap.

When asked about why there was no food in the Pit and why everything was closed down so early in the evening, Heather responded “You think we actually care about whether or not any of you eat?”

“Please. I’m just here for a paycheck. Mine even comes on time!”

She continued “another part of why you can’t get good food even when things are open is that our employee turnover is so high that we just gave up on training them. Students probably don’t even notice.”

Anyone else from dining services was unavailable for comment.

When Dean of Torture Ken “The Rock” Ensies was approached about the matter during “cookie hour” he swiftly placed Heather on summary disciplinary probation for being incompetent.

Starvin’ Marvin can be reached by leaving a buffalo wing on your door at night. He will appear at 1 a.m. promptly and leave if you’re not ready.

The crowd went (mildly) wild for Brenda Song’s Yellowjacket Weekend panel

While attendance was low, those who did show up seemed pretty engaged, with many lining up to ask questions during the half hour Q&A portion of the event.

How do you know if someone is smart?

Everyone is smart in their own way — it might not be the same as someone else or in the same way. And that is okay.

Profiles: Brenda Song, inside Lower Strong

"As a kid, I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I knew what I wanted. It was in my 20s, after I finished ‘Suite Life,’ when I was at the crossroads."