Aries (March 21-April 19) – Contrary to what Will.I.Am says, most girls at UR got their bodies from their daddy’s wallet.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – Despite the security crackdown, the Frats are doing all they can to keep the transfer rate down.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – If you get a girls phone number, remember the three-day rule: Sleep with her for three days then lose her number.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – While exploring campus, you freshmen will probably see lavish portraits of people you don’t know. These are the people who will be screwing you for four years.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – I’m sure most of the freshmen came to school expecting to live an Animal House existence. Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait until spring semester for that.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – After three years of college, I’ve learned that it is never too early to start planning for Grad School. So freshmen, start sabotaging your classmates now!

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – Remember, if security finds alcohol in freshmen housing you’ll get in trouble. So drink every drop as fast as possible!

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – The ten second rule does not apply in Fraternity basements. Go with three.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – While scouting which sorority to pledge, remember that looks can be deceiving. Still, it’s probably the best criteria you can go off of.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – If your roommate leaves a scrunchie on the door handle, it means he’s trying to have a rodeo. Set your watch for eight seconds, then jump in!

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – Don’t have a car on campus? Zipcars are another great opportunity for UR to screw you out of money!

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – If you don’t speak English well, don’t let that discourage you from attending class. There’s a good chance you’ll be the only one to understand the professor!

(If you actually believe this, then you believe I actually care enough to give Freshmen real advice.)

The Pawsitive Cafe, downtown Rochester’s first cat cafe

Peters and Denman live by the mantra, “We don't want to find cats a home, we want to find them the home.”

Research at Rochester: iGEM Team Saptasense finds sustainable solutions for maple sap

To what extent are they able to pursue their own experimental endeavors? iGEM’s Team Saptasense certainly found out over the course of this past summer and fall semester.

Learning to say “I love you”

Grief is a fickle thing. One second, you feel fine, and the next it pierces the fibers of your soul with such precision you don’t know if you’re terrified or grateful of the feelings it elicits.