By Donna Summer
Ring My Bell
On Friday, UR’s apathetic students attempted to rally together in an effort to combat what they have coined an “air of involvement” on the River Campus. The students are concerned with recent protests near Rush Rhees and intellectual conversations within dorm walls. The movement has yet to gain a name, and organizers have not yet held a formal meeting.
“We are afraid of this sudden climate of caring. We are seeking to re-establish our isolation,” Take-Five scholar Ashley Conner said. “Activity equals evil.”
Many of the “Apathetic Students Organization,” as the active students call them, attribute their inspiration to the UR Medical Center. Recently appointed Director of Public Relations for the Medical Campus Dean William Green declined to comment. In a later statement he assured students “UR MEDICAL CENTER HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE RIVER CAMPUS EXCEPT THAT IT IS UNDER MY CONTROL. WE HAVE NO COMMENT.”
Some students are unsure. “I don’t know, I didn’t even realize this was happening. Green who?” senior Todd Hildebrandt said.
Administration seems pleased with the apathetic students’ lack of efforts. “I think it’s good. It’s really great,” Dean of Students Jody Asbury said. ‘This is a great lack of effort. I support the lack of involvement the student body has chosen.”
Asbury was however disappointed with attendance for the ASO Brunch. “No one really came, but it was good,” she said. “It’s good that the students have taken this great step towards inactivity.”
President Thomas “Michael” Jackson agrees. “This non-involvement [is] [an] attempt – to [connect] to student life, as [in so much] that students should – not [care]. It [creates] an environment [where] monetary [systems] allow [for] the promotion [of] a – position [where] I see [the University] expanding. In – response, [I] am raising – tuition [by] 200 percent.”
The Bush administration is also seeking a national movement called ‘Don’t Give A Damn Week.’ “I wholly support the apathization of our nation. More apathy, more bombs,” Dubya said.
ASO doesn’t know where they can be reached or when their meetings will be. They are holding a vigil this evening in their individual dorms where they will practice for Dance Dance Revolution and use X-boxes.
Summers can be reached at ringmybell@disco.com.
