Bernie Sanders (remember him?) announced today that he plans to continue campaigning virtually amid social distancing orders.

The extent to which Sanders will manage to operate a computer on his own without the help of a teenage IT intern earning $15 per hour is unclear.

Yet Sanders’ new campaign efforts have shown promise, and he hopes that such a seismic shift in American life from the coronavirus pandemic strengthens his case. A pandemic places increased importance on healthcare. The current American healthcare system is tied to employment, which prompts problems for many as unemployment rates increase at a record speed. 

Policy wonks point out that under Sanders’ Medicare for All proposal, you wouldn’t have to pay to be told that your hospital has run out of ventilators. It is believed that Sanders’ communications staff is working on better wording for such a point, however. A spokesman for Joe Biden’s campaign deftly responded to increased calls for Medicare for All with an emphatic and insightful “No comment.”

Sanders’ campaign is also playing up climate change prevention as an important issue related to coronavirus. Supporters have begun putting signs in their lawn with lists of things caused by climate change, including COVID-19, melting ice caps, natural disasters, and Sanders’ glasses fogging up.

Given Sanders’ old age, some supporters have expressed concern for the candidate’s health. Luckily, he lives in Vermont, which has very few coronavirus cases, and even fewer people. It does have a lot of cows, though, which has some voters concerned about mad cow disease.

“Hopefully soon, our doctors and researchers will come up with a cure,” Sanders said in a speech. “Then the American people can get back to work, which includes me returning to my job of losing primaries to Joe Fucking Biden.”



Bernie Sanders continues to exist

The Rochester Yellowjackets took on the Ithaca College Bombers Swim and Dive team Saturday, Jan. 24. The Yellowjackets had their senior night on Saturday as well, celebrating five men and eight women’s careers with the team. Continuing the celebratory spirit, the women’s team went home very happy with a 165-133 win, although the men’s team […]

Bernie Sanders continues to exist

Traffic mitigation, the main goal of the congestion relief program, has been an inarguable and impressive success. The major bridge and tunnel crossings into the tolled area of Manhattan saw an astounding 23% average decrease in rush hour travel time, ranging from 6.7% on the Manhattan Bridge all the way to 51% in the Holland Tunnel. Read More

Bernie Sanders continues to exist

. I spent the night on the airport floor with $1,300 in my account — money meant to last until I found work in a country whose systems I did not yet understand. I was afraid. But I also knew I could not go back. Read More