Bernie Sanders (remember him?) announced today that he plans to continue campaigning virtually amid social distancing orders.

The extent to which Sanders will manage to operate a computer on his own without the help of a teenage IT intern earning $15 per hour is unclear.

Yet Sanders’ new campaign efforts have shown promise, and he hopes that such a seismic shift in American life from the coronavirus pandemic strengthens his case. A pandemic places increased importance on healthcare. The current American healthcare system is tied to employment, which prompts problems for many as unemployment rates increase at a record speed. 

Policy wonks point out that under Sanders’ Medicare for All proposal, you wouldn’t have to pay to be told that your hospital has run out of ventilators. It is believed that Sanders’ communications staff is working on better wording for such a point, however. A spokesman for Joe Biden’s campaign deftly responded to increased calls for Medicare for All with an emphatic and insightful “No comment.”

Sanders’ campaign is also playing up climate change prevention as an important issue related to coronavirus. Supporters have begun putting signs in their lawn with lists of things caused by climate change, including COVID-19, melting ice caps, natural disasters, and Sanders’ glasses fogging up.

Given Sanders’ old age, some supporters have expressed concern for the candidate’s health. Luckily, he lives in Vermont, which has very few coronavirus cases, and even fewer people. It does have a lot of cows, though, which has some voters concerned about mad cow disease.

“Hopefully soon, our doctors and researchers will come up with a cure,” Sanders said in a speech. “Then the American people can get back to work, which includes me returning to my job of losing primaries to Joe Fucking Biden.”



Bernie Sanders continues to exist

So far, I’ve already tried a few alternative methods because, according to my doctor, my liver “can’t take much more of this,” and I think one has finally stuck. Read More

Bernie Sanders continues to exist

Through a live demonstration and tasting, Chef Dede prepared fried chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, and collard greens – dishes rooted in Black Southern history. Students leaned in as she explained the methods and care that go into each plate. Read More

Bernie Sanders continues to exist

As per tradition, “The State of the Campus Times” updates readers on our affairs — the Editor-in-Chief (EIC) and Publisher write this pseudo-column at the start and end of every semester to articulate the struggles and joys found through managing your local student-run newspaper. We also introduce ourselves and our projects, what we hope to achieve during our terms, and we provide progress updates regarding past management’s pursuits. Read More