Dear Editor,
I’ve been reading the news lately, and everyone seems really concerned about Coronas?
I don’t really get it, I mean it’s not the best beer in Rochester (Genny Cream all the way) but this panic seems to be worldwide. I didn’t know that they sold Coronas worldwide!
Speaking of the greater world, why does everyone keep talking about Coronas coming from China? It’s definitely a Mexican beer. I think. They had a lot of them when I was in Mexico, and my bud Tim said they were Mexican, too. And when Tim says Mexico he means real Mexico, not all those other countries that people call Mexico but aren’t. Like Mauritania. I think that’s in South America? Anyways, Corona definitely comes from Mexico, and not Mauritania or China. My Mom says I go to a New Ivy and am very intelligent.
And everybody is buying facemasks to protect themselves from the beer now, that just doesn’t make sense. Like are there roving bands of Corona salespeople pouring it down people’s throats unexpectedly? That doesn’t seem likely, but it could explain why everyone is so worried. But usually if you don’t want beer you just don’t drink it?
Corona isn’t even that bad for you either, especially if you get the light kind. And you serve it with a lime! Fruit is good for you, right? It helps you not get scurvy. So it shouldn’t be making people sick it should be making them healthy. If it made you sick then Tony Romo would be sick, he’s a big Corona guy and he’s definitely alright. Handsome, too. And intelligent. Really an all-around good guy.
I wish Tony Romo was my dad.
I don’t really understand why everyone is so concerned about Corona, but I do have some solutions. Drink a Genny, that way you support a local business. Or get a Bud Light Platinum if you’re feeling fancy. If you go to the beach, then get a mixed drink. I recommend a Mojito. Mojito. Mooojitooo. It sounds nice when you say it. Just do what I do: Sit back with a cold one and pretend that all those funny-sounding countries with their funny-sounding problems are just places that send us new and exciting ways to get drunk.
Sincerely,
Chad Bradford
Phi Gamma Delta Fraternity
BA in Busy-ness Manigement
