Students were left reeling last Sunday in the wake of an April Fools’ Day prank gone wrong.
Students’ Association (SA) Senator Dan Matthews, Appropriations Committee Chair Nicholas Mavrelis, and Executive Director of Public Relations Kevin Gerami, all seniors, had planned to present SA President Vito Martino, SA Vice President Lance Floto, and Chief of Staff Linda Shackles—also seniors—with a piñata filled with real yellowjackets.
“We had everything planned—down to the very number of pests in the piñata,” Mavrelis said. “We thought our order was perfect. Vito and Lance would be expecting candy, and then, ‘Boom!’ There’s a swarm of bees joining in on the celebration.”
The prank went awry shortly after 4:00 p.m. when Shackles found a suspiciously large package in the executive office in the Ruth Merrill Center. According to Floto, who arrived shortly after, the package appeared to be akin to a miniature Trojan Horse.
“When I arrived, I found Linda gawking at a massive papier-mâché horse where all the pads and tampons had been,” Floto said. “My first thought was, ‘Where are the tampons?’” Then I realized that something was off, since there was no way the horse could’ve made it into the office.”
Students present at the scene overheard Floto frantically calling Martino, then Public Safety. When Public Safety arrived at the scene, Martino used a sword once wielded by Azariah Boody to cut open the horse and about half a dozen students came pouring out of the horse. Fortunately, it appears that they all had Swarm training.”
“This is scandalous,” Gerami said at last Monday’s SA Senate meeting. “We used the remainder of the SA budget for this year, and we got stiffed! This needs a full investigation.”
The prankees were initially shocked, but calmed down after hearing the alternative.
“We’re so glad the initial plan failed,” Shackles and Martino said in a joint statement. “We’re still assessing the situation, but we’re relieved nobody got hurt.”
The statement, however, failed to address reports of malnutrition and sting marks found on some of the “volunteers.”
Freshman Senator Dan Pak—a Yellowjacket who was one of the people inside the horse—blasted Matthews, Gerami, and Mavrelis for the prank.
“Good going, guys,” Pak said. “I went with this on the condition that I would make the YJ show Saturday night, but instead I had to go to the hospital because Vito decided to use a metal sword instead of a stick like a normal person. I mean, what gives?”
It was later revealed that the culprit behind the foiled plot was Senator Matthews.
“When I heard we were pulling a prank on Vito and Lance, I realized I had to take it a step further,” Matthews said. “So I went forward with the plan and put Yellowjackets in the horse. One happened to be an a cappella singer and the rest random members of the student body selected at random from the Sprinkle Break email bonanza.”
As rumors of the situation spread throughout the University, many students were outraged.
“It doesn’t matter if the prank failed or not,” sophomore Joe King said. “This wasted money that could’ve been used for D-Day. We could’ve finally finally brought in Smash Mouth.”
Witnesses said the other two people inside the horse were UR Alum and former UR Football player Brian Laudadio and UR Mascot Rocky.
“I definitely felt out of place in that horse,” Rocky said. “I was expecting a few thousand of my cousins, but instead I ended up cramped in a small space with five people who wanted to take selfies for Facebook and Twitter. If anything, the lack of transparency from SA has gone too far. With more information, this situation could have been avoided.”
According to All-Campus Judicial Council Chief Justice Alec Girten, SA’s highest court has received an appeal from the students affected and will be hearing the case on a April 31.
