With the St. Valentine’s Day Blizzard upon us, the realization has finally hit home that this winter isn’t going anywhere. Any visions of grandeur that a warm December and talk of global warming gave us now seem like some cruel practical joke, and the below freezing temperatures, even colder winds and tiresome snow are all here to stay. But what were we to expect? After all, Rochester was rumored to be scouted as a possible location for John Carpenter’s “The Thing.”
Fortunately, as college students, we’ve been self-trained over the past few winters to deal with the madness and mayhem that this weather offers. Surely any non-freshman has by now developed some sort of system on how to not only survive the obnoxious weather, but to get the best of it. In a big “In your face!” to the wind and the snow and the frozen gas tanks and the bruised tailbones, here are some tips and guidelines that UR students live by to beat the blizzards:
1) Don’t eat the slush. It can wreak havoc on your intestinal system.
2) Long underwear can be extremely warm under a pair of jeans, but never wear any, because if third grade taught us anything it’s that they’re for big losers.
3) On the frat quad on a Saturday night, the 15-minute rule applies if you drop your Uncle Dickie’s burger in the snow.
4) Women can wear tights in the freezing cold, but they must be tucked into some Uggs.
5) If enough snow is covering your car window with the parking pass, you can park anywhere you want without getting a ticket.
6) Free sleds are given away at Danforth during their normal business hours.
7) Stay inside as much as possible. In between classes, don’t go back to your room, go to the library. There are plenty of things to do there to keep you occupied, like hanging out with creepy old men in the stacks.
8) During a blizzard, students have been known to carry shovels with them, clearing paths as they walk. This is a good way to stay out of heavy snow when going to class. Just know that if anybody sees you, you’ll have to transfer schools.
9) When your grandmother calls to ask you how you’ve been staying warm, lie to her – tell her you go through three scarves a day. Under no circumstances tell her that you’ve been wearing shorts back from the gym. For good measure, mention how much you love your vitamins.
10) No matter how great a prank, don’t unexpectedly push your friend down a snowy hill. It will only lead to getting ambushed by him and all of his pre-med buddies.
These are the rules to live by that all upperclassmen have known for years. Freshmen, take note – learn what you can from them and next winter shouldn’t even phase you.
