Bright and early on this sunny Sunday morning, I woke up excited to finally participate in Meliora Weekend festivities. I had been so busy with homework on Friday, occupied with work on Saturday, and so I was only able to celebrate on the last day of the honored Mel Weekend. But boy was I sure glad to finally be free. The first thing I wanted to enjoy was the Ferris Wheel, a timeless classic of our generation. But when I pulled up to the First Year Quad, I collapsed onto the ground in shock. I was consumed by a despair known only to those who oversteeped their cup noodles, only to end up with a cup of soggy sadness. The ferris wheel, and the Meliora tent, were … gone.
Racked with anguish and unending misery, I picked myself up and looked around to see if there was anything left. Upon investigating the spot where the ferris wheel once stood, I found circular tracks leading away from the area. Must’ve been the truck driving away with the wheel. I sat on the quad for a moment to process my grief, when suddenly a shadow was cast over me. It was the wheel. And it was quickly approaching. I immediately ran in a line, tracing the path of a sinusoidal function to escape it. And — it followed me?
Uh oh.
Continuing to run away, now in a zigzag pattern, I looked back and realized that it was also zigzagging to follow me. When I ran faster, it also sped up. When I did a backflip, it kind of stopped like it was confused, yet impressed, before it once again chased after me. This wheel was relentless.
It ripped across the dirt paths, running over innocent people and students along the way. My good friend Willowby stood in front of the wheel, telling it to stop, but this mechanical monstrosity had neither logic nor empathy, overrunning everyone and everything in its path. I got on a golf cart to escape, but still it followed. I saw an old man curl up in helplessness for he was too elderly to run, and a man picked up their child like a handbag before running away like Policeman Earl from “Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs.” This was a disaster of the highest degree.
Suddenly, Rocky the Yellowjacket flew in like a superhero! I thought that I was saved as Rocky sent their army of yellowjackets at the wheel, but it was all futile. The yellowjackets (the insects, not the a capella group) were immediately blown away like dust in the wind, and Rocky was left helpless. They too were consumed. At this point, I realized that it was pointless to run. The only way for this disaster to end was to sacrifice myself. So I got out of my golf cart (decorated very nicely by one of the groups on campus), and approached the wheel. As I got closer to it, I thought that I could hear the voice of campus celebrity (and my favorite advisor!) Cat Crawford telling me not to go into the light, but it was too late. The wheel consumed me as well before disappearing into the abyss.
