What’s with all these sizes in food packages? They’re almost as bad as women’s pants sizes: very inaccurate, not standardized, and unburdened by sense. I mean, who would come up with a packaging for chips that is almost no bigger than the original and label it “Party Size”? Unless the “Party” we’re talking about is a party of one, I’d say that this advertisement is terribly inaccurate.
Depending on the chips, “Party Size” might not even be bigger than the original packaging size. It’s all just a marketing scheme to steal money from us poor consumers and give them to Big Chip. You thought the cake was a lie? Well, you’re wrong. It’s actually the half-empty bag of chips you’re munching on at this very moment. It’s been right under our noses this whole time. Whenever I see a “Party Size” bag of chips, I get as excited as Cat Crawford when she reloads the Campus Times website for new Humor articles, only to be disappointed when there are none — or, in my case, when all I get is a full serving of compressed nitrogen with a small side of chips.
How about the “Sharing Size”? Bold of them to assume I’m sharing my food. I got my entire party of one to feed after all. Not only are they bold enough to assume that the miniscule amount of food packaged is enough to be shared, but also so brazen as to assume that I have people with whom to share my food. Personally, I just want to enjoy my snack in peace and not be judged by some marketing scheme about me being a big-back and having no friends.
You know what? That’s it. I’ve had enough living in this world of lies and capitalism. I say that we must fight capitalism with capitalism, and lies with truths, and start selling a bag of chips that is truly “Party Size.”
