Have you ever had sausage fingers? And no, I’m not talking about bloated fingers, I mean like literally hotdogs for fingers. Yes, I’m talking about the “Everything, Everywhere, All At Once” hotdog finger universe.
Even though the movie might be a thing of the past, I think we as a society kind of glossed over how interestingly fucked up that is. Like … are the fingers edible? Why are their mouths frothing with mustard and ketchup? Are the hotdogs spraying out ketchup? How does that even work biologically? Do they have internal organs that produce ketchup? What about the hands themselves? Why do the fingers just flop around? Are there no bones in their hotdog fingers? … Are the hotdog fingers full of ketchup and other condiments …? What kind of fucked-up brain pitches this as an idea for a movie?
Now, imagine if you had hotdog fingers like that. How would you crank your hog? Flick your bean? Would you have to play video games with your feet? If you got a paper cut, what condiments would leak out of your fingers? Would the cut hotdog skin heal over time? Does that suggest that there are platelets and thus blood flowing through the hotdog fingers? … Wait, does that suggest that their veins are pumping with ketchup? Are they hotdog humans, rather than humans with hotdog fingers? … How would that taste …?
My questions are only met with more questions. And perhaps it’s better that way. Maybe there’s a good reason that the internet did not fully explore this conversation when the movie came out.
