With blue gel-plastic
crushed, clothes unwashed, class in ten,
I stare, in defeat
Tide Pods, easily portable and pre-measured, promise simplicity in the hassle that is laundry day in a college dorm building.
However, an epidemic seems to have struck the University’s laundry rooms. There have been numerous reports of hardened and shriveled blue gel-plastic on clothes of all shapes and sizes, an ominous sign of a Tide Pod gone horribly wrong.
“They get everywhere!” says a victim found clutching their clothes in the Susan B. Anthony 7th floor laundry room. The plastic seems to have adhered their bedsheet, shirt, and socks together, creating a strange amalgamation of the three. “It’s not only that,” they say, “sometimes the pods get stuck in the door rim, so sometimes my clothes aren’t washed.” As if on cue, an unsuspecting student walks into the room and opens their machine to find their clothes unwashed and a Tide Pod sitting on the rim of the door — another attestation of this epidemic in this devastating scene. The victim, who has chosen to be unnamed, moves to comfort the student.
However, not all have sympathy. When questioned, a nearby bystander says, “It’s really not that bad.” After being met with stares from others, they elaborate, “You guys are being really dramatic. You can just use detergent — it’s way cheaper.”
The University of Rochester’s Laundry Bureaucracy (URLB) released a statement earlier this week concerning the issue. “We are working hard to resolve this matter as quickly as possible,” the URLB President stated. “We stand with everyone in these hard times.” Despite these affirmations, the student population remains seemingly unconvinced of URLB’s efforts.
According to a poll released this week by the Students’ Association, only 11% of students believe that normalcy would return before they graduate. The remaining 89% explained their reasoning by citing URLB’s lack of initiative towards fixing campus dryers — which no longer seem to be actually drying clothes — and preventing certain students from participating in the common campus pastime of removing others’ clothes out of the machine.
As part of the poll, students were given the opportunity to explain their answer. One student wrote, “Will this Tide Pod insanity become a part of the status quo?”
As of now, the investigation is still ongoing.
