It started at 9:00 a.m. on Aug. 25. The first IT ticket. A professor called complaining about WiFi not working in her classroom. I told her to talk to ECM (who told her to talk to the building manager, who told her to talk to ECM, who sent a student over who restarted her computer and then left). 

9:12 a.m.: Another call. A student in the library couldn’t access the WiFi to do the reading that her professor assigned for the first day of classes at the last possible moment. I told her to try UR_Connected5. She couldn’t find it. She used her phone data and blew the whole plan in an hour. 

10:15 a.m.: Three more students have found themselves unable to Grubhub food. They fear going hungry as dining halls begin to close breakfast immediately after opening their doors for the day.  I offer their friends my condolences.

11:22 a.m.: A student came in, crying. They couldn’t access their syllabus for PHIL 315: Getting Stretched on a Medieval Rack. It was supposed to be their low-stress class this semester, but now that the rack can’t connect to WiFi, they’re being asked to operate it manually and they don’t have the energy for that. I suggested an Ethernet cord but it got caught in the gears.

12:15 p.m.: Multiple students reach out complaining that their midday masturbation session has been cut short by the lack of WiFi. One ticket reads “I can’t masturbate to the Chrome dinosaur.” Another: “The Chrome dinosaur turns me on now.” Relatedly, the rental laptops have come back cleaner than usual.

3:03 p.m.: Two students are fighting over what year Lady Gaga died. They are unable to look up the answer. I tell them she’s not dead. They don’t believe me without a supporting Instagram infographic.

4:19 p.m.: Several students in the Susan B. Anthony Residence Hall are complaining of being unable to make searches online. When I check their browser, the most recent search is “how to roll a joint.” I’m sure Susan would have approved.

4:59 p.m.: Before clocking out, I check and discover that the school’s WiFi has been disabled all day. Whatever. Not my problem. Maybe I’ll fix it tomorrow. Maybe not. Probably not.

 



‘brat’ by charli xcx but it’s the campus times article about it so it’s not

Debuting with 75.4 million streams within its first week, it quickly came to light that Charli’s brash marketing garnered not only fan discussion, but universal attention.

UR men’s soccer defeats University of Washington in St. Louis 1-0 on Senior Day

UR’s men’s soccer team defeated the University of Washington in St. Louis (WashU) by a score of 1-0 on Sunday, Nov. 3 at Fauver Stadium.

UR women’s soccer falls 2-0 to University of Washington in St. Louis

UR women’s soccer lost by a score of 2-0 to University of Washington in St. Louis (WashU) at Fauver Field on Sunday, Nov. 3.