As a Classical Studies minor,  I feel like every other day I get to hear about how ancient peoples painted dicks all over everything.

Once reduced to history textbook compilations (which, ironically also had dicks drawn in them by the readers), the internet has remarkably expanded our record of dick-drawing and other shenanigans. The world wide web is perhaps the most complete repository of human strangeness to ever exist. This isn’t to say humans weren’t strange before the internet. If you don’t believe me, take… basically any classics course. But the internet has expanded our toolset.

Take, for example, this website.

For those of you who don’t follow hyperlinks (shame on you) that link goes to The website has existed for at least a decade, and consists of an illustrated chicken dancing on a wooden raft, wearing sunglasses. There is an audio loop of Cyril Tawney’s 1976 bop “Chicken on a Raft,” and a counter to let you know how long you’ve been on the site.

For those of you who do click on links, here are a few other chaotic internet gems: This and this are two sites created by comedian Deno DeMartino, whose personal website can be found at Another chaotic classic is the Badger Mushroom song, shown to me at a young age by that one uncle who is very much into Facebook. We all have one. Fortunately mine doesn’t like Trump. Just old people memes.

Following the chicken theme, here is a link to the most scholarly article you’ll read this lifetime, miraculously housed on the internet for free.

There is a simple beauty to the chicken on the raft, however, that surpasses all others. No motion beyond the counter. No graphics besides the chicken. No sound but a jolly sea shanty. And yet it binds together all those who hear it, creating a fraternity of potential pirates.


Potential pirates with the song stuck in their heads. I wasn’t kidding about it being a bop; since I rediscovered the site while avoiding studying for my math midterm, it hasn’t left my brain. I almost asked a question in a pirate voice.


The time I almost died

I don’t know exactly what happened, but something went wrong. I was busy laughing about something when suddenly, I heard a deafening noise.

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