Before I start this article, I want to thank my editor for giving me an extension. I’ve been extremely busy studying the developments of my Facebook newsfeed and listening to Future’s entire discography during the week leading up to finals. The reality of it is that when there’s something to be done, you can find something you’d much rather be doing, and I owed it to myself to watch the music videos for “56 Nights”, “Codeine Crazy” and “I Thought it Was a Drought.” The most important things in my life will always take precedent over large percentages of my final grades.
A significant amount of time spent writing this article went into finding a place to sit down and start the damn thing, which I imagine has something to do with everyone else’s commitment to Future listening and social media. As I looked around at students’ monitors and actions in the library, it became apparent to me that we were all preparing for a-Facebook-and sleeping exam sometime this week.
Let’s get back on a topic. I have an article to write—that’s what you, whoever you are that reads the humor section, came to see.
Have you ever noticed that when you have something you need to be doing, you can suddenly be productive and highly interested in something else? It’s like this weird part of our brains that confuses focus and drive and displaces it somewhere it doesn’t belong. Today, I read the plaques of all the dudes that donated to our campus. Did you know Ronald Rettner didn’t even go here? Seriously, I feel so misled.
So then I was researching other things about our school, and did you know that the guy who wrote our alma mater, “The Genesee,” died when he jumped into that very river? That’s nuts! Why couldn’t someone have told me that when the Yellowjackets were singing it at convocation?
Well, I didn’t write an article. And you certainly didn’t use this time to study, so I guess we both won today. So if you’re reading this, it’s too late (thanks, Drake), never stop procrastinating and learn something you want to learn today. Be ever better, just like Future.
D’Antona is a member of the class of 2018.