They say that Rochester has two seasons: winter and construction. Well, the architects who constructed the University of Rochester parking system definitely had winter on their minds. Although the parking lots were created for students to park their cars, they also have a health-conscious motive. Winter parking was designed to help students become fit through intense workout sessions. Think about the outrageously far Park Lot—ice-covered sidewalks, and mounds of snow covering your car. These facts are summed up in one purpose: a commitment to fitness. Why else would there be no indoor parking options?
Few know this, but parking is actually President Seligman’s code word for “Georgen Athletic Center #2.” The parking system was designed in the best interest of students. Thanks to the workouts of winter parking, you will have personal trainers wanting to know your secret or wanting to kill you. In fact, they may want to do both. You may be used to certain workout routines to work out each muscle group. Well, the University has actually constructed the parking lots with workouts in mind! So, be sure to drink your pre-workout smoothie before driving to school, because your trek to class will be a testament to the University’s dedication to student fitness.
Monday and Wednesday—
Don’t forget about Leg Day!
The school week starts out with Leg Day—the most important, yet neglected, day of the week. As a result, it is advised that students park their cars in the University’s largest and most distant lot, Park Lot. As you can tell, school officials are very creative when it comes to names. Leg Day begins with a brisk walk through endless fields of snow-covered concrete. According to officials at Rochester, too many students skip Leg Day. Whether you are isolating your hamstrings, calves or thighs, Park Lot is the place to park. As students descend from their cars, they are advised to start out slow and quickly build their speed. Eventually, they will be greeted with an unexpected sensation during the cold Rochester morning – warmth! Unfortunately, this warmth is the burning sensation of lactic acid building up in the muscles as the body trudges through several feet of snow. Anyway, just remember that you will have the legs of an Olympic track star because of this.
The leaders of the University of Rochester are experts at fitness, so they know how to tempt students with shortcuts to weed out the weaklings—whether they are in the classroom or in the parking lots. Take a look at President Seligman—145 pounds of pure Rochester muscle. President Seligman is a dedicated athlete, so he has added a few buses around Park Lot to take less-determined students from their cars to their classes. Don’t give in to his trickery! If you are interested in joining the University of Rochester’s elite core of gold-star athletes, run away from these buses. Why else would they name this bus route the “Silver Line?”
Tuesday and Thursday—
Time for Bicep Day!
After an exhaustive day of classes, labs and recitations, students will have the pleasure of moving their focus toward their arms. In fact, Bicep Day is unique in that it can take place at any student parking lot. At the University of Rochester, Bicep Day consists of brushing and shoveling your car out of unbelievable piles of snow. Yes, the University has the option to build an indoor parking lot with its exorbitant amount of funds, but then you would be embarrassed to wear short sleeve shirts. Bicep Day is especially rigorous in the middle of February, when students are encouraged to bring a shovel to class. So, next time you are faced with a white pile of compact snow that used to be your car, remember that the school is only thinking about your health.
Wednesday and Friday—
It’s all about the cardio!
For those students who park on the other side of the Genesee and walk to campus, there is still hope to become a fit Yellowjacket. The parking system was designed to provide every student an option to become a dedicated athlete, whether they live on campus or across the river. During the winter months, when the snow might deter students from walking to class, the Genesee serves as an exiting ultimatum. Why not work out all of the muscle groups and swim to class? How else do you think Seligman obtained the body of an Olympic God?
On the other hand, students also have the privilege of an intense session of dry-cardio if they live near the 19th Ward. By using this scenic passageway to reach campus, students will have the chance to run at blazingly fast speeds amidst gunfire and bloodthirsty murderers. In fact, the University actually encourages students to wear their Rochester apparel whenever they use the “19th Ward shortcut” in order to attract potential chasers. After all, the more people chasing you, the faster you will run!
Saturday and Sunday—
After an eventful winter week of trucking through endless snow, digging your car out and swimming across the Genesee, your body will be quite sore. The University advises students to spend the weekend away from the frosty conditions in order to have adequate rest and to complete endless amounts of homework. But, don’t worry if you end up putting your fitness before your schoolwork. After all, the University’s main goal is student health. Why else would they have such terrible parking?
Arul is a member of
the class of 2017.