In an exclusive interview with the Campus Times, University President Joel Seligman expressed utter confusion over his disproportionate representation in the Humor section.
“Quite frankly, I’m perplexed,” Seligman said.
In the past year, the CT has lampooned Seligman through numerous cartoons and fake news articles, many of which conflate Seligman with questionable behaviors and people.
“I haven’t written erotic poetry, I don’t condone an on campus fight club, and I still don’t understand why there are T-shirts with my face on them all over campus,” he said. “‘Seligmania’ was a humor piece, not a real phenomenon.”
Students, however, are enamored with his fictitious persona. Seligman T-shirt sales have exploded, and, according to a field report by former director of Public Safety Walter Mauldin, Seligman comics have been plastered all over freshman residential halls. An internal investigation found that the entirety of CT newsroom is covered in photos of, and motivational quotes and speech fragments from Joel. The staff could not be reached for comment.
The coverage began when Seligman spotted the headline for his faux presidential campaign, “Seligmania,” in January 2013. While he hinted that a run for the Oval Office is not out of the question, the article raised questions from his secretaries, family members, and local reporters.
“Apparently no one checked the top of the page to see that it was in the humor section,” Seligman said. “To be honest, I clipped, ‘The most interesting university president in the world’ cartoon out and keep it in my wallet.”
On a more bizarre note, there have been reports that a rogue CT reporter has repeatedly phoned Seligman’s old college roommate and various high school marching band mates in search of a compelling exposé.
“I water my plants, translate ancient Sanskrit and consult the Fed Chairman on securities law just like the rest of you,” Seligman said. “These kids are obsessed, I just don’t get it.”
Brady is a member of the class of 2015.