LSAT updated with new essay question

Sources report that in an unprecedented move, the Law School Admission Council (LSAC) has added a second additional essay section to the LSAT. Unlike the first essay which uses randomized prompts for each test, the second will ask the predetermined question: “Do you even lift?”
According to LSAC Chair Marcellus Wallace, the updated test will be administered beginning in June. The change is the first of its kind since the LSAT’s inception in 1948.
“Make no mistake, the LSAT gauges an applicant’s readiness for law school,” Wallace said. “This extra section will give admissions a truly accurate representation of their applicant pool.”
Despite remaining controversial on the national level, the change has been well-received by the UR community.
Junior Boris Borovcanin, who is scheduled to take the LSAT in September, believes the new section will give his score “a big boost” and separate him from the “scrubs who can’t lift shit.”
“I bench like 90,” Borovcanin explained. “That’s something law schools would want to know about.”
A University of Phoenix alumnus, Antonio P. Chenoweth, cited lifting as a “critical factor” in the success of 1L’s, adding that “there’s nothing more telltale of one’s legal chops than the sheer amount of iron they can pump.”
While he admitted to curling only 20s, Chenoweth maintained, “The new LSAT forces applicants to come to terms with their identity as future law students, as potential attorneys, and on a fundamental level, as lifters.”
Most agreed with Chenoweth’s sentiment, but some wished that the change had some sooner.
“There’s something very intellectual about lifting stuff,” said Miranda Vey-Lüs, a self-taught, self-proclaimed attorney. Having self-administered his own perversion of today’s LSAT, he wishes he had “waited till now to take it.”
“I was young and dumb,” Vey-Lüs explained. “I didn’t even lift bro.”
Not to be outdone, the Association of American Medical Colleges announced that beginning in 2014, it will administer an updated MCAT, also with a second essay section — the prompt: “U mad?”
Gould is a member of the class of 2014.