Infected Rochester students congregate on the Eastman Quadrangle in a flash mob, one of the more noticeable symptoms of “Gangnam Style” along with flailing and riding what appears to be an invisible horse.  Students are advised to take caution.

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Tour guide: “And over here you will see students dressed as overweight Korean men riding invisible horses.”

Class of 2017 student: “Mom, I want to come here!”

Korean-Pop singer PSY’s  “Gangnam Style” has swept the nation as the latest dance craze, promoting all those who had previously been regarded as “bad dancers” to step into the limelight.

In recent weeks at UR, students have been exhibiting spontaneous movement in public, including the waving of hands above the head and bouncing on one knee  said to be a direct result of the “Gangnam Style Epidemic” as it has been referred to by University Health Service (UHS) officials.

In the afternoon of Sept. 13, infected students broke out into song and dance, according to freshman Felicia Mobber,

“I was on my way back from my chem lab when all of a sudden music came on and students began to form in the center of Eastman Quadrangle,” she said. “It was terrifying, but something prevented me from looking away.”

Researchers at Strong Memorial Hospital have been hard at work over the past week to defog the mystery regarding the song’s captivating powers.

In a press release this morning, researchers brought to the attention of students and faculty alike that by playing the track in reverse, they were able to uncover the song’s hidden message. In loose translation, it says, “Whenever you hear me speak, pretend you’re riding a horse and flail about uncontrollably.”

Unfortunately, as the researchers were delivering their address to the UR community,  faint music began to play in the distance, increasing in volume within several minutes. This song was identified as “Gangnam Style,” causing all those in attendance — including the researchers —  to begin involuntarily dancing in unison.

Rumors have begun to circulate that the University’s beloved alma mater, “The Genesee,” is to be replaced with “Gangnam Style” for reasons that Dean of the College Richard Feldman refused to clarify.

In addition, “Gangnam Style” will now be played in conjunction with “The Star-Spangled Banner” at the remaining UR varsity sports games for the rest of the year, requiring all of those in attendance to rise and dance to the music.

Junior Kory Pauper stated, “Hey, why don’t we replace Rocky with that dude from the ‘Gangnam Style’ video? Or at least offer him the position as co-mascot.”

The “Gangnam Style Epidemic” is said to be constantly growing and infecting individuals on campus on a daily basis, so make sure to take the following precautions while entering a public space:

1. If you hear Korean-Pop music, block your ears. In order to avoid any subliminal messaging from entering your body, be sure to avoid any accidental encounters with such music. One suggestion is to wear Beats by Dr. Dre headphones 24/7.

2. Resist the urge to dance. Although it may be difficult to cut out this habit, it is a must to ensure safety, one UHS representative said. Look forward to boring fraternity and bar parties for the weeks to come.

3. Avoid using phrases such as “Hey, sexy lady,” as this has been identified as a primary symptom of the epidemic. This, along with the recurrent belief that you are a Korean man, have been proven irreversible in the progression of the disease.

In the time being, there is not much we can do as a student body except wait for “The Gangnam Style Epidemic” to pass.

Just remember to be hopeful for a brighter future. That is, until Carly Rae Jepsen releases a new album.

Lerner is a member of
the class of 2016.

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