Congratulations! You, yes you, are ruining humanity. Why? Because you just let this nation slip into the hands of an open, card-carrying cannibal who is feeding us to a garbage disposal. Don’t get me wrong, I voted for Obama, but that was only because I thought I might get some ass. Deep down, you acted for similar reasons, but you may have labeled it ‘for the greater good” or some other nonsense. Newsflash: anyone who takes one semester of UR economics would tell you that this bailout/stimulus strategy is pure poppycock. Go ahead, listen to the clowns on Capitol Hill telling you that this was brought about by ‘de-regulation” and ‘greed.” When you augment an economy with regulation and then take it away, there’s going to be some collapse.

And don’t blame CEOs for taking advantage of the politics that are taking advantage of you politics that you indirectly, or directly, may or may not have supported. They are the opportunists that make this nation great. America is founded on greed, ambition and competition and look who wears the pants on this planet. Not to digress too much I don’t buy cars and so I don’t have an opinion on GM’s products but people don’t value GM’s cars enough to justify their consumption of Earth’s limited resources, so let the market exterminate GM! Those who lose their jobs can now contribute to something that humanity values. But this policy doesn’t get votes, so we are inundated with cars rusting in the lot at our expense.

What it really comes down to are values what does each involved party value, and is any party right to impose those values on the rest of us? Look at yourself in the mirror and convince yourself that you don’t have an expiration date. So few are actually in touch with what they truly care about. I doubt many of you really care about the people that Macy’s laid off a few weeks ago. I bet many of you think that you care about HIV, cancer and Darfur, but have you ever questioned why? Have you considered what you are getting for your concern? Maybe I’m the only prick on this campus, but the point is that it’s okay to be an ‘asshole,” or rather, it’s okay to not care about the woes of the world and roll with your own, non-imposing desires. Be proud. The great thing about this world is that there’s room for everyone, and when there’s not, people die and a fresh batch, more deranged and of greater numbers, is birthed than the last. Don’t get too comfortable and a nod to Douglas Adams don’t panic. Accept the world as it is, find your place in it and do the best you can, just please don’t hurt the rest of us in an attempt to make the world something it’s not. I don’t mean that as in ‘accept cancer and move on.” I mean do what you will with your body, time and possessions, but don’t pretend that you have some entitlement to someone else’s property when things don’t work out the way you want them to. Someone may value what you value and help you out, but not everyone has to. Respecting this is the most efficient way to maximize ‘the greater good,” and it’s the closest thing to a universal moral. It would be self-defeating to say that this actually is an enforceable universal moral, but I personally value the right to repel an assault on my property.

So long as the current powers dictate by force ‘our” common values of anything be it death for Talibs, guns for Israelis, jobs for Detroitians, genocide protection for Darfurians or even roads and streetlights for our neighborhoods we are slaves. You can’t just be a little bit of a slave: you either are or are not. And make no doubt, were you, Obama and your friends stranded in the wilderness, after a few nights of starvation the dashing wordsmith would address the encampment, ‘Listen folks, our will is strong! I have hope for change and progress and hope and change and… let’s eat the kid who doesn’t care about AIDS! He’s morally bankrupt!”

Policy can work as damage control and at a huge cost to the people, but it is only a temporary solution. We can never levy a tax that will change the past or make people produce goods that the world values. Count your losses and move on America. This nation’s economy will not collapse unless we as a people become inept, in which case we are wasting space and will soon be replaced no matter what. If you want to help, take advantage of the fact that you are here at one of the greatest research universities in the world and have every resource to allow your mind to work to capacity. Don’t get bogged down in these worthless politics and do something productive for your self, and if this productivity happens to be of interest to other people you may get money or love or respect for it. Don’t be afraid to defy the conventions and offer the world a new possibility.

Eles is a member of
the class of 2011.



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