Ciszek: Nutrients from Danforth? Ask a fat kid whose heart stops every time he walks more than 20 feet from where he lives and eats and the answers are Sue B. and Danforth. I’m glad they put UHS outside now so that those sedentary freshmen tethered to Momma Danforth and Aunt Sue have to get some exercise.
P: All right, but who wants to share a room with two other freshmen? The triples on the Quad are outrageous! Two’s a party! Three’s a slum.
C: We prefer the term “Hood.’
P: Point conceded. But I know for a fact that you enjoy the pleasures of Hillside on a regular basis. How many quesadillas have you stuffed down your face this semester?
C: That such a large and ugly building has one tiny oasis is only natural. It can’t save it.
P: What!? Sue B.’s design was based on a beautiful woman each of its wings representing one of the magnificent limbs that Susan B. Anthony used to strike down inequality. How dare you, sir.
C: You have no idea what Charles Hoeing went through. You try living your entire life with the same last name as a gardening tool.
P: I dug up some dirt on Charles Hoeing turns out he lived in Sue B.
C: That’s chronologically impossible!
P: Nothing is impossible in Sue B.
C: That place is a reject bin! They told me that before I even applied to this school.
P: You may insult the building, but please do not insult the students. Does the Quad even have its own rock? Sue B. has two! These rocks are so nice that people voluntarily paint them. When’s the last time anything near the Quad got painted?
C: I’ll insult the students all I want; they’re too busy painting rocks that they can’t even stop themselves from driving into their beautiful home. Not that I blame them. If I lived there, I’d drive my car through it too. I remembered once they boarded that up, someone painted a stop sign on the building. Talk about a slum.
P: Too soon, man, too soon. Listen, I could see why that guy would mistakenly assume that Sue B.’s large doors and spacious halls would accommodate his car. Honest mistake.
C: Maybe if they tore it down and built a parking lot, all of my parking troubles would be solved. And it would be a lot more visually pleasing.
P: Sure, Danny, and the septuples on the Quad would be real great for the freshmen. How about we use a little logic here?
C: I’ve always wondered about this logic: If Sue B. is so great, why do they shove so many freshmen there? Then the next year, where’s the first place they try to live? I’ll let the answer be your last word.
P: Anything’s better than GLC.
Ciszek is a member of the class of 2009.
Padmaraju is a member of the class of 2009.