Stephen Colbert lit up the Palestra during Meliora Weekend, performing two shows on Saturday night. Upon being announced, he ran onstage to the uproarious applause of the crowd and jumped and danced his heart out.

Highlights of the show included Colbert making fun of every politician possible. That included a roast of current presidential candidate John McCain. At one point in the show, he likened chowing down on a White Hot to ‘the closest you will get to eating John McCain.” Later, he joked that if Barack Obama won the election, Hillary Clinton would burst out of his chest.

When talking about whether or not he would miss George W. Bush because he has mined so much comedic material from the current administration Colbert responded, ‘I’d rather not see the country destroyed for another four years just so I could have a good joke.”

Colbert was also quick to note the other person who had graced the stage that day Anderson Cooper, whose ‘bright blue eyes just burn into your soul.” And while the Comedy Central host couldn’t explain why he had a beauty shot of Cooper on his computer, he did admit that seeing Cooper on CNN was ‘like having the news read to you by a Siberian husky.”

Colbert gave students plenty of time to ask questions at the end of both shows. Highlights included a girl who asked if she could marry him (he said his wife would kill him but thanks anyways, all the while looking flattered), two guys who asked him to party with them after the show (on two separate occasions) and a student who asked if when Colbert put on Sarah Palin’s glasses, he could see Russia from his house. The student received a big, minute-long bear hug from Colbert.

After enjoying the talk show host’s performance on Saturday night, we were desperately hoping to get a chance to ask him some burning questions. Unfortunately, this wasn’t possible, but we still figured we needed some kind of interview to make this article stupendous. So, we decided we should instead interview the most trustworthy (and completely nonpartisan) voices on campus ourselves.

When were you laughing the most?
Leah Kraus: I was giggling quite a bit throughout the whole show but when Colbert showed that picture of Hillary Clinton popping out of Obama’s chest I lost it. And by lost it, I mean laughed. A lot.
Dana Hilfinger: Right after he unveiled Ron Paul’s running mate to be the Chupacabra. The resemblance will forever be burned into my memory and cause me to crack up at inappropriate times.

Were there any disappointing parts of the show?
LK: When it ended. And before it started.
DH: I don’t think he talked enough about John McCain’s… ‘experience.”

How did you prepare for the show?
LK: Well, knowing that Colbert was sure to warm me up with his humor, I dressed rather lightly.
DH: Like Leah, I was conscious of my body temperature when getting ready for the show. It was 29 degrees outside, so I dressed in layers.

This question was originally meant for Stephen, but here it goes. If you could be in a band with any three politicians (dead or alive), who would they be?
LK: Well, Bill Clinton on saxophone, obviously. Grover Cleveland would play the flute and Eisenhower would be on tuba. I would play drums, and we would call ourselves ‘Presidential Funk with some chick playing drums.” We’d be ‘PFWSCPD” for short.
DH: Apparently, Sarah Palin plays a mean flute, so there’s one. I’m going to try something new and say we’ll have two pianists Condi Rice and Richard Nixon and then Colbert could come and sing for us. I have no musical talent, so I’ll probably just clap along.

Interesting. So, Leah, I heard that you went to the late show and Dana, you went to the early-bird special. How did they compare?
DH: No comparison. Being at the early show was the best. Colbert was fresh and vibrant because of the early time slot.
LK: Well, we had a hug… I guess that was left out of the early-bird special.

What was your favorite audience question?
LK: Probably ‘Will you party with us afterwards?”
DH: Senior Mustafa Remini asking Colbert out for a garbage plate. I hope they shared one with White Hots.

One last question what country do you see when you put on your glasses?
DH: It’s hard to pick one, because there’s so much to see. I see France and the Eiffel Tower, and I see Belgium and lots of chocolate, and, most importantly, I see Russia and the frozen tundra and all of the Siberian huskies.
LK: I see America. Bitch.

Hilfinger is a member of the class of 2010.
Kraus is a member of the class of 2009.

Israeli-Palestinian conflict reporting disclosures

The Campus Times is a club student newspaper with a small reporting staff at a small, private University. We are…

Notes by Nadia: The myth of summer vacation

Summer vacation is no longer a vacation.

The Clothesline Project gives a voice to the unheard

The Clothesline Project was started in 1990 when founder Carol Chichetto hung a clothesline with 31 shirts designed by survivors of domestic abuse, rape, and childhood sexual assault.