Hey there! If you are reading this, chances are you are one of them. By them, I mean the pre-med kids. Which is cool because much of the school shares your interests and concerns. But what of the others? The ones who major in Economics, English and Theater? How are their lives different from your own? To answer that question, I have asked myself (an econ major) what a typical week looks like. It’s different and perhaps a little less hectic, but nonetheless very rewarding.

I wake up on Monday morning at noon. After looking out my window and smelling the fresh air, I proceed to accomplish my morning ritual of the three S’s – shit, shower, shave – in a timely manner.

I then go to class – after all, I do have to earn that degree (remember Cs earn degrees.) After struggling through the ordeal that is Calculus 142, Economics 207 and BCS 112, I make my way to the Campus Times office to check up on my fellow sports editor.

It should be noted that she is on the pre-med track and is stressed out 90 percent of the time. And, while she worries about the chemical composition of the alkaline group mixed with cocaine, I worry about not making it back to my room on time for the CBS Monday night lineup.

With the TV – watching out of the way, I do what every student does on a daily basis, log on to Facebook and stalk random individuals. By the way, why is it that people never use current pictures of themselves on Facebook? Who wants to be known as “that kid who looks 12?” These are the questions that keep me up at night, but I digress.

I proceed to fall asleep to the gentle hum of Comedy Central.

Now, you might ask, “How is it that you do no work? What is your secret?” My secret, dear friends and fellow students, is my strenuous Tuesdays and Thursdays. As Thomas Paine eloquently put it, “These are the times that try men’s souls,” or something to that effect.

Tuesdays start off with a class at 9:40 a.m. Due to such an early start to my day, the morning ritual is put off until the afternoon to give myself the most possible sleeping time. After class concludes, I quickly run back to my room to take a well-deserved nap. I don’t set my alarm because, as I learned in freshman biology class, your body has its own sleep clock, which will wake you up at the exact right time.

My internal alarm goes off at around 3 p.m., which gives me time to grab the free New York Times and sit down for my afternoon meal.

After reading the paper cover to cover (excluding the news section – it’s just too long and wordy), I sit down and make a list of all the things that I have to accomplish.

At around this time, it’s time for dinner, so I take a little break. After dinner, I do a bit of reading from my textbooks (of which I have six) and unwind from my frenzied schedule. Then I turn on the TV to the FOX Tuesday night lineup that includes my favorite show, “House, M.D.,” ironically about a doctor.

My weekends are also slightly different from yours, oh future doctors of the world. I awake whenever my body tells me to-usually sometime in the afternoon, watch a lot of college basketball (after all, it is that time of year), perhaps get a light snack and do some light reading from my many books.

If I feel up to it, my travels take me to the fraternity quad for a night of fun and excitement. On Sunday mornings, after recovering from the previous night’s debauchery, the work begins. Readin’, writin’ and ‘rithmetic fill my afternoon. I take periodic breaks because, as science has shown, studying for too long may overwork the brain and lead to stress and nervous breakdowns. So I generally limit myself to 30 minutes of working at a time.

To finish off my week, I tend to watch TV late into the night. Some tips on late night viewing; there is absolutely nothing of value on the tube after 3 a.m. Be careful or you could be watching infomercials until your eyes pop out.

Thus concludes my week. Filled with studying and fun, I believe that I have hit the jackpot of the collegiate life. And while the pre-meds are holed up in the library trying to get into medical school, I am enjoying everything that college has to offer.

Just remember that when you are working 120 hour weeks at the age of 30 diagnosing old men with dementia, I will be retired somewhere in the Caribbean, sipping margaritas after helping yet another company fudge its profit margins. Cheers!

Maystrovsky is a member of the class of 2009.

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