I’m a gay man and recently I’ve been hooking up with another guy who claims to be straight. It’s been going on for over a month and the sex is great, but he persists on being straight even though he clearly likes the sex. I don’t want anything more than sex but I’m curious, what is going on in his head?

Cozy in Chambers

Dear Cozy,

It seems you have exposed yourself! What I mean, is that despite your “curiosity” about your sexual partner’s orientation status, I think there may be another question in play.

First, in order to answer your ponderings about his inner turmoil it may be best to consider the wheel. This wheel is one of sexuality. Imagine a circle with heterosexuality and homosexuality placed next to each other. For the remainder of the wheel, the space between homosexuality and heterosexuality represents the majority of the population.

This roundabout explanation is intended to communicate the diversity of sexuality within our culture. Despite the perception of two distinct absolutes in sexuality, there is a wide array of self-identifications within any given category, such as gay.

In short, I can’t answer what may be happening in your hunk’s head. While it is certainly plausible that your sexpointment may be a gay man in a well-dressed straight suit, it is equally possible that this is a transitional phase, experimental period or fulfillment of fantasy.

The more important question, guised by your feign of mere curiosity, is your interest in secret agent man. While the covert nature of your encounters may be thrilling, your desire for affirmation of this guy’s sexual orientation may indicate an interest beyond casual sex.

I’m not suggesting that you view this guy as a star-crossed lover, but if casual sex continues, it is likely that one or both of you may become attached. As with all folks in the closet, or those unwilling to be open regarding their sexuality, the danger for rejection is a bit more acute. As always, if you decide to breach the post-sex silence don’t forget to prepare yourself with a great friend.

Have your friend waiting for you after your encounter to receive your excitement or disappointment with equal support. Chances are, your guy has had some anxiety over his sexual orientation and its perceived anomalous nature in light of his sexual activity.

Your love hunk may welcome the chance to have an open dialogue, despite your bunking activities.

Even if you are not interested in anything more than sex, you may offer the opportunity to be a great friend to someone you clearly care for regardless of relationship status.

Got a question about relationships, love or sex? E-mail Robyn Tanner for real answers to your real questions at ctfeats@hotmail.com.



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