Recently, my partner in crime, Chubbs, has been disappointed with the lack of spice in our one -on-one relationship. I really want to give back to my partner because Chubbs has given me pure ecstasy over the last six years. Are there any other spots on our campus where I can extract Chubbs’ love?~Spilling the Seed in GilbertDear Spilling the Seed, It is crucial to maintain the “spice” in your relationship with your Chubbs. Often, we find that through a long period of time, routines in your relationship begin to lack the lust – filled passion that once existed. However, one of the great aspects of attending this university is the plentitude of locales that one may engage “tension relief.” So if you’re sick and tired of lathering up with Lever 2000 in the showers in preparation for your date, grab the nearest bottle of canola oil and follow the path to euphoria. Start your date at the scenic river – level of the House of Zeus right across from our impressive library. There is no doubt that your partner will thoroughly enjoy the majestic flow of the river. Take the opportunity to “exorcise your demon” while you become one with true self. A word of caution to you, though – do not wash your hands with the water provided, as it will probably burn huge holes onto your flesh.Next, show your musical talent to the entire student body by performing on center stage. Everyone knows you have amazing skills while “playing a flute solo.” Go out on a limb and show Chubbs that you’re not afraid for the world to know how much your love really means to you. Don’t know how to play the flute well? Do not hesitate, just memorize a couple of minutes worth of Shakespeare and be prepared to “tame your shrew,” in front of a captivated audience.At this point of the date venture to the nearest pit and “tickle your pickle.” If you’re not in the mood for dry food, get some added moisture by “basting the turkey.” Often times you’ll find your date appreciating it after dinner. End your date by going to the place you really want to be – your bedroom. Take full advantage of the privacy available to you and Chubbs. Be romantic and spread some massage oils over Chubbs. Make sure to work out all the frustrations of the day at this last chance to impress your partner. Ultimately, Chubbs will be very grateful for the attention you have presented and will be eagerly anticipating your next date. Once you’re done, clean up any mess left behind and do what most satisfied men do – fall asleep. See CHUBBS, page 281.
bdsm
Dates require no pants for a good time
Marketed as a ‘Dom-Com,’ the plot focuses on the first relationship of Colin, a barbershop-quartet-singing parking lot attendant, after he is approached by brooding biker, Ray. Read More
Environment
Dates require no pants for a good time
The majority of the populations of both the U.S. and the U.K. evidently understand the need to move towards a renewable energy model for their countries. According to the DESNZ Public Attitudes Tracker, 80% of British adults support the use of renewable energy as of the summer of 2025. The Pew Research Center has reported that 86% of American adults support expanding wind and solar power as of May 2025. Read More
democracy center
Dates require no pants for a good time
Mittal drew on her experience at the Department of Justice, describing the scale of the Jan. 6 prosecutions, which involved nearly 1,600 criminal cases. While the events were widely characterized as an unprecedented attack on democratic institutions, the legal system approached them through existing statutory frameworks. Read More
