Last weekend I drove to Boston. Last weekend I drove for fourteen hours, hit a tree and watched two guys try to steal bologna.For most people, the drive to Somerville, Mass. takes six hours. I am not most people. For me, the drive to the Sommerville exit took a little less than six hours. However, the five-mile drive from the exit to Somerville took two hours.

Let me explain. Boston has no street signs. Driving there is a guessing game. I knew the names of the streets I needed, but none of the streets had names. I just turned wherever I thought I should. Driving around Harvard Square four times taught me to not follow my instinct.

Not only did I drive around Harvard Square four times, but I also drove the wrong way down a one way street — which brings me to the tree.After an hour and forty-five minutes of being lost, I turned down a street and wondered why all the cars were facing the wrong way. About a quarter mile down, I realized maybe it was me who was facing the wrong way. I put the car in reverse, stepped on the gas, and slammed into a tree.

After wetting my pants, I drove away from the scene of the crime. My car still runs, so I figure no harm, no foul. Speaking of no harm no foul, the next night I watched two men try to steal bologna from a corner store. It was a two-bit operation that ended unsuccessfully.

The drive home from Boston was slightly less eventful. However, it was darn hard to see out my back windshield. For some odd reason, the windshield wiper is smashed to pieces. I think it was some vandals from Tufts University. They saw the UR sticker on my car and wanted to teach me a lesson.

They must have used a big tree branch to hit my car, though, because there is bark all over!

Haver can be reached at bhaber@campustimes.org.



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