Every time my girlfriend Princess Aurora and I have sex, she sleeps through it. Sometimes I feel like a necrophiliac. What can I do to get her more involved in our lovemaking? ? Prince Phillip

Have you tried kissing the girl!? There is this thing called foreplay. You might want to try it. Explore that uncharted territory above the waist rather than pounding on her lifeless body next time. I guarantee that she will come around in no time if you provide her with some tender loving care. ? Bashful

This witch stuck me up in this tower where I have nothing to do. The only contact I have with another person is this prince who talks to me through my window. He says he’s going to get me out, but I am still waiting. What can I do in the mean time? ? Rapunzel

If you have access to a bath, start there. Let the warm water and steam relax you. Explore your body with your soapy hands as you wash yourself. Take your time and focus on the different textures of your body.

Towel off slowly and massage everywhere from your face to your feet. Then use a scented moisturizer or body oil and let your fantasies run away with you. Imagine what the prince is going to do with you once he rescues you and takes you behind a tree in the enchanted forest.

Finish off by stroking and applying pressure to your breasts and vagina (specifically the clitoris). Pay attention to what feels amazing so you can guide the prince in the future. ? Bashful

I have this thing for midgets. I have seven friends whom I want to proposition into having group sex. How should I go about doing this?? Snow White

Start a casual conversation about sex at dinner one night. Disclose your sexual fantasies about sex with midgets. Listen to their fantasies, too. If they express fantasies that match yours, proposition them. Do it in an ambiguously joking manner in case they look at you crazy and don’t want to speak with you again. If they say yes, then let the session of bliss begin. ? Bashful

Got any burning questions? Keep them to yourself! Thats nasty.



More than one type of 'fairy' tail

As per tradition, “The State of the Campus Times” updates readers on our affairs — the Editor-in-Chief (EIC) and Publisher write this pseudo-column at the start and end of every semester to articulate the struggles and joys found through managing your local student-run newspaper. We also introduce ourselves and our projects, what we hope to achieve during our terms, and we provide progress updates regarding past management’s pursuits. Read More

More than one type of 'fairy' tail

While looking for something to do on a Friday evening, five of us at the Campus Times made our way down to ESL Ballpark April 17 to catch a Rochester Red Wings game. Our group boasted a Mets fan, a Yankees fan, a Padres fan, a Twins fan, and one person more familiar with cricket than with baseball. Read More

More than one type of 'fairy' tail

So, you have a degree in Biochemistry and English. You served in student government for four years, clustered in Astrophysics, and speak passable German. In other words, you’re unemployed.  Read More