Aries (March 21 ? April 19) ? Spring fever is really getting to you. You?re feeling frisky and are out looking for love. Just remember to choose wisely, so there won?t be any regrets in the future.
Taurus (April 20 ? May 20) ? Bullheaded is the perfect way to describe you. You?ve been so stubborn lately that no one wants to deal with you. It?s okay to back down occasionally, and this is one of those times.
Gemini (May 21 ? June 21) ? Dating a bad egg? Jennifer Lopez wised up and dropped Puffy like a bad habit. Perhaps you should do the same.
Cancer (June 22 ? July 22) ? All these months of hibernating indoors have left you looking as limp and lifeless as a dirty sock. Get outside and enjoy some fresh air, it will do you wonders.
Leo (July 23 ? Aug. 22) ? OK, so your midterms didn?t go as well as you would have liked. Still, complaining will get you nowhere. The only way to solve your problems is to actually start doing some work.
Virgo (Aug. 23 ? Sept. 22) ? Sure, telling stories is fun, but gossiping constantly about your friends is a very bad idea. What goes around comes around, and you?ll get it ten times worse than you gave it.
Libra (Sept. 23 ? Oct . 22) ? Feeling a little run-down the last couple of days? Let?s face it, lately you?ve used enough tissues to stuff Dolly Parton?s bra. Take a break and get healthy again.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 ? Nov. 21) ? Don?t be surprised to see a four-leaf clover lying around sometime soon, but also don?t forget to pick it up. You?ll be hitting a lucky streak soon, but it?s important to remember that you are responsible for keeping it going.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 ? Dec 21) ? Are you so low on meal plan money that your life is beginning to feel like a ?Survivor? episode? Before you resort to eating bugs and rats, ask your friends for extra declining. They will be glad to help.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 ? Jan. 19) ? You can?t rent that room in Heartbreak Hotel forever. You got badly hurt, but it is time to cheer up and move on.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 ? Feb. 18) ? It?s been a long winter, but you can?t hide in sweaters forever. Soon summer will be upon us, and it might be in your best interest to hit the gym and lose a few pounds.
Pisces (Feb. 19 ? March 20) ? Work it! You?ve got it going on, and it?s time everyone knew it. Show your true colors this week, and be the diva that you are.
(If you actually believe this, you probably didn?t even understand the April Fool?s spoof. This is not to be taken seriously.)
