Archives - John Pinto
handjobs
UR senior confident “killer handjobs” deserve mention in study abroad reflection essay
What was originally just a brief mention of “extracurricular fun” gradually morphed into “getting absolutely wrung dry behind Club Catwalk.”
bookstore
At Small World, an indie concert almost by-the-book
Horse Jumper of Love came to Rochester for the first time this past Thursday, and their show at Small World…
Origami
CT Origami: Rocky!
Step Five: Flip over your Rocky and fold entire paper in half diagonally, both directions. Crease to form an X-fold. Mind the alteriors.
Origami
Sexual Rocky
The official instructions for the optional tape-on wings for this week's CT Origami project!
local band
Attic Abasement gave us what we wanted
Attic Abasement and I have been locked in a holding pattern for a while now. Since arriving at UR three…
sexuality
UR Tech: How to insert a USB drive sensually, carnally, and right-side up
First you should make sure the rigid little guy you’ve got in your hand is, in fact, a USB. Could it be a shiny Lego, or a penis?
choose your own adventure
Choose Your Own Adventure: Orientation!
Overwhelmed by your new life at the River Campus? Play our Choose Your Own Adventure game and let us tell you how to be an independent person!
choose your own adventure
Choose Your Own Adventure: D-Day!
Your buddy Xander slides you a scrap of tin foil. Inside is either a tiny blotter of LSD or the corner of a Forever stamp of Mr. Incredible. What do you do?
guillotine
New student initiative for tuition increase to fund totally unrelated guillotines
Top UR administrators, last seen diving Scrooge McDuck-style into a swimming pool filled with 2019’s executive bonuses, were unavailable for comment.
Fox
Study finds most UR students have apparently never seen a fucking fox before
The red fox, known to STEM majors and insufferable men as “Vulpes vulpes,” is commonly found in every non-desert biome in the fucking Northern Hemisphere.
