BY JULIE DESSAU & JENNA KATZ Campus Times Star Sages
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – The time away from school was all that you needed. With the continual snowfall, the long sought-after answers to your troubles will become clear.Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – Beware of the treadmill. It may outrun you. Aries (March 21-April 19) – Your milkshake won’t always bring all the boys to the yard – or girls, if you prefer. Get out there and meet someone!Taurus (April 20-May 20) – This is your week to learn that Instant Messenger stalking doesn’t count as communicating with a distant lover. It’s time to get over your crush and find someone at UR.Gemini (May 21-June 21) – A fine university dining experience looms in your future. Whether at Douglass or Danforth, rest assured that a tray will be dropped. Some last words of advice – laugh at yourself and move on.Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Are you feeling lonely this month, Cancer? The cold winter months leave you wishing for someone to keep you warm. Before you get too distraught, know that a mysterious stranger is about to enter your life. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – Beware of the Trojan Virus which will infect your computer this month. Make sure you save everything on your computer – you wouldn’t want to lose those amazingly witty away messages.Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – Prepare yourself for upcoming relationship turmoil. Valentine’s Day may seem more like Doomsday this year when your girlfriend or boyfriend is MIA.Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – Feeling sad that there are only five episodes left of “Sex and the City?” Well, move on! It’s time to realize that perhaps living vicariously through four women who have had more sex than you ever will is not the most self-promoting way to exist. Sorry.Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – It’s time to realize that the past relationship that’s been weighing on your mind is just that – in the past. Someone new will find you as soon as you stop looking. Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21) – Leave the corny pick-up lines at home. We do not live in an Austin Powers movie, nor do we care to hear your tiresome rhetoric.Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – Find yourself acting upon aggressive whims this month? Buy a Zen rock garden. (If you actually believe this, you’ve been inhaling too many tunnel fumes. This is not to be taken seriously.)
