BY THE PARTY POLICE
Rockin’ the ROC
“Hello Rochester friend, what what what. My name’s Borat, but people call me Steve. Steve! A year ago, I come to Rochester. I steal much of Rochester to bring home to my family. They like these things very much. Please in this article you will read them and also learn about my life in Khasikstan. I hope you like. It is nice. I like. I learn many thing that is different about Rochester and Khasikstan. I come to tell you what they are that I stole.
1. In Rochester I learn about garbage plate. It is a big plate. They serve with potatoes and hamburger. I come to Hot’s to find out why. Je-qui. At Hot’s I meet lovely lady who give me two hamburgers. She put some hot sauce on them. It was so good. I steal lady and bring her back to Khasikstan so she can make garbage plate for me and my family every day. Yek-she-mash!
2. We not have D-Day in Khasikstan. D-Day is day where students play outside. I come to find out why. Je-qui. Kids are what you say…drunk. They have many good time running around and playing with friends. One girl is how you say…virgin. I steal her virginity. She very drunk. Yek-she-mash!
3. Last night I have sex. In Khasikstan the women much hairier. They are lovely. We have No. 2 hairiest woman. Rochester only have No. 17. Je-qui.
4. I come to Rochester to sing “Throw the Jew Down the Well.” In Rochester there are many Jews. They not like my song about Jews too much. You should throw them down the well. Then your country will be free. And then have a big party. Je-qui. In Rochester, you cannot throw people down wells because you not like them. I come to find out why.
5. In Rochester, I learn about this newspaper. In Khasikstan we use newspaper after we take shit. In Rochester, student stay up all night long to make newspaper. I come to find out why. Je-qui. Student sit at computer for hours to talk about Jody Asbury, who they say is a Burns’ bitch. A new man call Seligman come to school. They say he haf not a lot of hair. They buy food from place call Kim’s Asia but I steal Kim to come home with me to Khasikstan so there is no more Chinese food restaurant for them.
Thank you for reading my report on University Rochester. I learn much from my time in New York and love everything I bring back with me.
From me, my papa, my mama, my brothers, my ladies we say thank you. We hope you like Khasikstan. You come visit us. Thank you. We like you. I like sex. Bye!”
The party police can be reached at cleanthepuke@drunkees.org.
