I vividly remember the process of moving in for the first time: stuffing clothes, comfort items, and pieces of my childhood into various bags and boxes. It was a whirlwind of excitement, but as someone who doesn’t deal well with unknowns, I was also anxious, to say the least.
What would it be like living at college? Would I get along with my roommate? How would I make friends with complete strangers?
Of all the unknowns, this last question, on friendships, consumed me the most. I had always felt like I struggled more than others to find “my people.” In high school, I had a few close friends, but it always seemed like everyone else had these big, inseparable friend groups that did everything together. I wanted that — the picture-perfect image, yes, but also the sense of belonging.
Like many, I gravitated toward the first people I met in college, who mostly so happened to be the people on my floor. We lived next to each other, hung out in the common rooms together, ate together, and stayed up late together. It felt like they were the only people I really knew. They were my early friend group, and they brought laughter, growth, and memories — both positive and heinously negative. But even so, I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything. Those highs and lows taught me an important lesson: Not every friendship is meant to last, and that’s okay.
It’s easy to put pressure on ourselves to build lifelong friendships immediately. But even temporary friendships help us grow, challenge our perceptions, and often leave us with great late-night stories for years to come.
Early college friendships teach us how to deal with rough spots and conflicts. And there will be a lot of such spots, especially since you pretty much see these people every day and/or live right next to them. In today’s culture of “protecting your peace,” it can be tempting to cut people off at the first sign of friction. And while it’s good to create distance from unhealthy dynamics, not every situation calls for a dramatic exit.
Your friendships don’t just impact your social life — they affect your motivation, your academics, and, among other things, your sense of self. I have found it valuable to surround myself with people who share my values to keep me grounded.
That said, don’t limit yourself to just those who are like you. College is one of the few places in life where you’re surrounded by people from vastly different backgrounds and experiences. Keeping an open mind is just as important as finding common ground. Things are going to be different from what you imagine, and they are going to change over time. Some of my closest friendships took years to develop, and those slow-burn relationships often end up being the most meaningful, even if they don’t end up lasting a lifetime (or even through undergrad).
College can be, and probably will be, messy. People come and go. You’ll probably cry over friendships that didn’t work out and smile at memories with people you’re no longer close with. That’s all part of the process.
So no, your first-year friends might not be your forever friends — but they don’t have to be. They’re part of your story. And over time, you will find your people.
