Aries (March 21-April 19) – Well, it’s finally the end of the semester. For science majors, that means finals. For poli sci majors, that means vacation.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) – You always hated hanging out with your grandparents for New Year’s Eve, not because you missed great parties, but because it always got awkward around the New Year’s kiss.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) – People always call you selfish, but hey, it wouldn’t be the gift-giving season without someone to receive gifts!
Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Slow and steady wins the race, but think of your poor roommate, he’s waiting outside!
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – Christmas tree shopping and picking up girls in a bar are very similar; its okay if there’s a bad side, you just face it toward the corner.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – When playing snow football, wear all white. It makes the blitz plays very effective.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – After a bad fight with your girlfriend, the Nutcracker will be the last performance you want to see.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Going to the gym before finals will not only alleviate stress, it will also prepare your heart for the mass amounts of stimulants you are about to be taking.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – Don’t you hate it when teachers write on final projects, “Do not work with anyone.” I mean, who do they think they’re kidding?
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – Don’t wait until the last minute to complete all your assignments for the semester, give yourself at least an hour.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – After you go home for break, you’ll say you don’t ever want to return to Rochester. Well, after your performance in school this semester, the Deans may agree.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – As you and one of your buddies accidentally stumble into a gay bar, you begin to really regret wearing your belt with the mistletoe buckle.
(If you actually believe this, then you think finals can save your semester of debauchery.)
