It’s the most wonderful time of the year! No, not Christmas; I’m so Jewish I didn’t even know what date Christmas was on until I was a teenager. I mean finals season!
When else can you stress out over a test worth half your grade for which you are wholly unprepared? When else can you have more study breaks than study sessions? When else can you beg and plead with your declining daddy to keep you alive with more snacks? Okay, maybe you can do those things whenever you want, but during finals you get to do them with extra stress, so I guess that’s neat.
In the spirit of this wonderful season, I decided to ask some students about their finals experiences.
I found first-year Rudolph Redmond in Gleason Library. His shoulders were low and his neck bent. The ghosts of Webworks past seemed to haunt him as his empty eyes stared at a black computer screen. Redmond is, of course, currently enrolled in MTH 161, so I inquired about his thoughts on the recent midterm which took place, of course, at the end of the term.
“Midterm? We had a midterm? I missed that … I guess the zero will probably improve my grade,” said Redmond.
Other students have found coping methods. Junior Chrissy Crinkle said she finds it very important to keep her energy up during finals.
“It can get a bit expensive to keep buying coffee, so I have to find other ways to stay awake,” said Crinkle. “I like to study in the 500 stacks, that way my fear of ghosts keeps me alert and aware.”
Crinkle’s pupils seemed to be expanding to the edges of her irises, as she constantly tapped a toe on the ground and drummed her fingers on her laptop.
“My roommate has had some trouble, she’s been missing her ADHD medication, I feel really bad for her,” she volunteered, unasked. “I have absolutely no idea who would take unprescribed medication. I mean honestly. No clue.”
One sophomore, Miss Tilly Towe, was calmer about the process. Save for the occasional twitch of her left eye and a small patch of hair missing from her head, Towe seemed perfectly placid at the prospect of finals.
“Finals? I’m not worried about them … not at all. Nonono no no no… No. No. No concerns at all whatsoever,” said Towe. “What do you mean some of my hair is missing? It’s right here in my hand, see? Everything is just fine!”
The takeaway is this: Whatever your finals experience looks like, remember, nothing is more important than having pretty headings for your cheat sheets.
