Most swear words fall into two categories: words referring to genitalia and words that harass people’s sexuality, race or religion. Both are disappointing to me; then again, maybe my moral standards for profanity are naively high.
As for the genitalia category–your assholes, cunts, dicks and cocks—all these words just make sex seem like a bad, dirty thing.
That’s a shame, because it’s not inherently dirty or offensive; it’s part of our nature. Should it really be an insult to call someone a dick? Dicks are great! Now, I may be idealistic, and I do wish these words weren’t used as they are, but I am not so naive as to suggest that everyone should stop using them altogether. Maybe we should all just try to be more aware of their subtle psychological effects and use them with more caution.
My opinions are not as lenient regarding the second category of swears. Bitch, slut, whore and even prude, faggot, dyke and tranny—these all are just nasty words. And while their focus is centered on women, gays, transgender people and basically anything other than cis-straight white men, these words are used everywhere and are harmful to everyone.
To attack a person with these swears because they are gay, gender nonconforming, a woman who has sex or a woman who doesn’t is just wrong. I think most people agree about that. But what about using these words in contexts outside of their meaning? You call your buddy a faggot because you’re crushing him in Mario Kart, not because you think he’s gay and have a problem with gay people. Lots of people are willing to dismiss the use of swears in this type of scenario. Even in that context, I would argue that these type of swear are still harmful, though in subtler ways.
A swear is a lazy criticism. The easiest way to criticize someone is to attack their sexuality. This incessant focus on sexuality adds to the pervasive sense of negativity, shame and insecurity around sex. Being comfortable, confident and proud of your sexual identity and choices is extra hard when your sexuality is constantly under attack.
Even if you manage to keep your sexuality in a positive light in your own mind, as soon as you piss someone off, the first thing they do is call you a nasty name.
Just cut someone off driving around in your Subaru Outback? “Dyke!”
What!? WHY!? How could my sexual orientation be at all relevant to my driving behavior? Or related to what car I drive, for that matter!
To ignore someone’s true flaws—for example, their terrible driving—characterizing them with something as characteristic and harmless as their sexual identity is hurtful and lazy and not at all helpful. It’s not going to make them a better driver. It will only make you a less kind person.
When we hear these words constantly, even when they aren’t directed at us, it is a reminder of how we must be straight, monogamous or whatever else, in order to avoid being a subject of hate. So, it isn’t ever harmless play to use these offensive words.
Swears are fun to use—they’re dramatic and cathartic—but be mindful of your words, because they aren’t harmless.
Armstrong is a member of the class of 2016.
