HELLOOO ROCHESTER,

This is your daily dose of misinformation and, as always, I am here to spread lies!

Today’s topic is about the falsehoods spread by vitamin companies. For those of you who take or don’t take vitamins, today’s news is for you. 

The vast majority of the population thinks that vitamins are good for them. However, they are unaware of the reality of vitamins. 

The consumption of vitamins isn’t simply beneficial for the human body. More than that, they are also the pathway to our evolution into higher beings! Vitamin companies refuse to let you know this, but if you’ve ever taken a Flintstones gummy, you’d know the sheer power it gives you. 

In fact, ever since I discovered the benefits of vitamins, I haven’t eaten a full meal in five days! Without having to go to the dining halls, I’ve saved hours of my life.

With those saved hours, I can now fully immerse myself in researching the power contained in the average vitamin gummy.

With every chomp, I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins and giving me the power of 10 elephants. With just one vitamin gummy, I can lift cars. Upon consuming more gummies, I can feel myself start levitating off the ground.

There’s a reason that vitamin companies recommend that you only eat one to three vitamins a day. They don’t want you to realize that, with enough gummies, you could overthrow the government.

They don’t want the public to know. But I know the truth. And they’re after me for it. For now, eat your vitamins. And wait for us to call upon you. 

We will make them regret the day they tried to hide the truth from us. We will take power. The establishment will crumble.



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