Hey besties, I am in a silly goofy mood. So I’m gonna tell you all about the last time I found myself in a pretty silly goofy mood — yesterday, on my way to get a haircut. I know that sentence in and of itself is a red flag, but don’t worry; it gets worse.

I could excuse my erratic behavior if I was highly caffeinated and hadn’t eaten all day — but no, I was in peak condition! Actually, I’ve been taking these vitamin gummies lately, and I cannot recommend them enough. I was high on life, strolling through my hometown, feeling on top of the world, and honestly likely about to get hit by a car (trust, I’m too nimble to get hit). 

So, I sit down for my appointment.

Let’s be rational. 

My hairdresser (Alicia) asks what I want. 

We got this. Let’s go, team. Start strong.

“I know I keep saying I’m gonna grow it out…” 

Send the troops in. Miss Girl is not okay. We are at DEFCON FIVE, people! Or is it one, I can never remember. Red alert, weeooeeooee! 

I continue: “Wouldn’t it be SO fun as, like, a low-maintenance little bob?!” 

It all goes downhill from there. I must’ve blacked out while they were washing my hair, but Alicia tells me that I told her I wanted, quote-unquote, a “cute lil’ gay lil’ thing” and “imagine I’m a mix between Jenna Ortega and a rat-like boy.”

Alicia is on some shit. Whatever you’re picturing in your head? Right now, that’s what my hair looks like. I’m currently a vague approximation of blonde (bleached and not toned, but the color isn’t too yellow, and there’s a little red left in there from previous spontaneous dye jobs). My roots have grown out by about a pinky length, and since the color of each recurring bleach job isn’t consistent with the last — blame my sister — I currently look… interesting.

Don’t be fooled by this less-than-rave review! Alicia did an amazing job. I often go to her with a loose idea of what I want and she slays every time. You all should leave a Yelp review for Hair491 saying Alicia did good.

I do have bangs though. So…

If I was held at Nerf gun-point I would probably say something akin to this: I like it, it’s so gender! 

If someone asked me how I felt about the new ‘do, swearing on my dog, I would say that I want to chop it all off and go bald.

That’s a bald-faced (see what I did there?) lie. I just don’t like my dog very much. Get wrecked, Fritz. 

Truly, though — if a friend of mine asked me, with a sad little pitying look on their face, how I really honestly felt about my hair? Pinky swear? I feel that it is mediocre at best. 

Shoutout to Alicia, though. It’s a silly goofy cut.

UR Womens’ Lacrosse trounces Nazareth 17-5

UR’s Womens’ Lacrosse team beat Nazareth University 17–5 on Tuesday at Fauver Stadium.

An open letter to all members of any university community

I strongly oppose the proposed divestment resolution. This resolution is nothing more than another ugly manifestation of antisemitism at the University.

UR Baseball beats Hamilton and RIT

Yellowjackets baseball beat Hamilton College on Tuesday and RIT on Friday to the scores of 11–4 and 7–4, respectively.