“Do you guys think Zijian would ever be in a relationship?” whispered my high school classmate from the desk behind me.
“I know he would only have a relationship with calculus,” answered another student.
That was my high school classmates’ impression of me — they called me “the tree made in iron” that never blossoms, because of my nerdiness and continuous rejection of talking about anything relationship-related. I act like that not because I lack interest in romantic relationships, but because I must proceed with caution. I merely think I am not ready for a relationship.
I aspire for the love out of my heart to remain as pure as possible. Admittedly, I have seen many successful couples. Yet, I have to say, there are many individuals who are frivolous, flippant, and lacking in consideration when it comes to relationships. I have found that many people, both from my high school and college, confess their love to people they do not really know well, fall in love based solely on appearance, and have sex on the first date. I am not judging these behaviors. There is no “better” or “worse” way to approach relationships. I simply cannot allow myself to engage in such activities. As a Christian, I feel obligated to love within the directives of the Bible, which should be out of an appreciation of the soul.
Furthermore, I don’t believe love is something that can be easily obtained and sustained. It requires me to have tolerance, responsibility, and the capability to defend my loved one and promise her a happy life. Within this ideology, the college age for me is just too young to have a relationship when I am still immature and lack the capability to endure and tolerate. Whoever she may be, wherever she is, whenever I meet her, I will remain ready so that I can present the very best version of myself to her.
Finally, to initiate an ideal relationship, I should know myself before I meet my partner. I believe that college is a valuable time for self-discovery. I will have time to calm down and seriously think about my dreams, learn to take care of myself, and learn to overcome loneliness and academic pressure independently. By utilizing both the academic and extracurricular resources available at the University, I can expand my interests and hobbies and develop my skills. All of these would be my investment for a possible relationship in the future.
Even though I might avoid myself being trapped into a relationship before I am ready for it, I never stop dreaming of my future relationship, even marriage. What I look forward to the most is hearing my wife tenderly telling our son, “Be a person like your dad in the future.”
