Senior Senator Ezra Kruger whipped out yet another item at the SA Senate’s March 14 meeting: a list of suggestions on how the upcoming SA government elections should be run leading up to voting, which will occur on CCC on April 6 and 7. Multiple senators were displeased with this display of pageantry, with mutters of, “Really, this bit again?” interspersed throughout the presentation.
The suggestions, of which were compiled by Kruger into a series of PowerPoint slides (and complete with transitions for each slide), were riddled with absolute buffoonery and memeing, with ideas like “TURN ELECTIONS INTO A PIE-EATING CONTEST, YOU WON’T” and “UR SA Hunger Games would actually make me interested in SA for once” being amongst many similar pitches. However, Kruger’s data suggests that students may be looking for a certain new flair and panache to SA elections.
It’s easy to see why: After all, our elections do feel like a joke. From the William Bothe Fan Club Instagram account to the Sorokin/Raza shipping post, we’ve politically cartoonized our candidates time and time again — why not go further when it comes to how we choose our Class Council, Senate, and President/VP?
Here are some suggestions the Campus Times has compiled to make elections Ever Better:
- Have elections be a free-for-all where whoever procrastinates on the election form the least gets the title.
- Make an Instagram post about elections where whoever ratios someone the most gets the position of their choice.
- Draw election results like the Powerball.
- Have Sarah Mangelsdorf play “Pin the Title on the SA Candidate” as a joint fundraiser and election decider.
- Taking Kazmi/Haque’s former meeting with trustee Elizabeth Bruno ‘89 into account, turn SA positions into work-study jobs. Whoever bullshits the most on their “how do you make the UR community ever better?” response on JobLink gets the job.
- Care less. None of it matters and we’re all out of here in around four years, so why even bother? It’s not like our voices matter anyway. We’re being drowned out by a society that suffocates us in work and then attempts to lift us out of the pits of despair with hollow support systems that threaten to crumble the second we utilize them. Everything sucks.
- Make Megan Browne SA President, uncontested.