Were you more stressed over the fall break because you didn’t know what to do with yourself with no homework to do? Did the lack of responsibility feel entirely foreign and leave you a little confused on what the hell to do with all your extra time? Did your boredom make your fall break totally unenjoyable?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are in the majority (100%) of all students at UR! Don’t worry: you’re not alone. As we all know, the special breed of student known as the Yellowjacket is entirely unable to function without the crushing (yet comforting) weight of a 50-hour-work-week. 

Unfortunately, not being alone can’t actually fix this problem like it can for your dating life. But a new addition to College Town’s list of businesses just might have the solution. 

Break From School Breaks is a startup that will assign you stressful and fulfilling work to keep you busy over your school breaks! This way, you can feel normal, and take a break from that awful mental relaxation you may be experiencing. We know how hard breaks can be for students, whether it be the dreaded time between semesters where boredom reigns supreme, or those horrid 2-3 day breaks that seem to fall right when your consistent stress levels are highest —  we can be there for you to keep your anguish flowing, your blood pumping, and your Meliora toxic. 

Our approach is simple: When you have a break coming up, we’ll assign you some extra work to keep your stress levels as high as they normally are. You might be asking yourself how this can possibly work if there are no grades on the line. Well, we have a solution for that, too! 

When you subscribe to Break from School Breaks, we ask you a series of questions to determine what is most important in your life. Do you love your family or significant other? What about your beloved dog, or even your car? Whatever it is that means the most to you, we will figure it out, and we will take it from you. What’s better motivation to turn in that 20-page paper we only gave you a 4-day break to complete than the threat of never seeing your family again?

We simply kidnap your family, friends, or significant other and torture them while you work to simulate the real life stress you might be facing at school. Don’t worry, we won’t actually hurt them as long as you get your assignments in on time! 

As a bonus, you can always use us as a reference to confirm that resume boost you snuck in: “Works well under pressure.” 

We know most students will do anything to escape the mind-numbing tortures of a stress-free break, so take your opportunity to keep that stress up and sign up for Break From School Breaks today! 

Terms and conditions may apply. We are not responsible for any stress related health effects.

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