The mass exodus out of Rochester by students signals the beginning of the end. Finals week hurtles towards us with an intensity that is, unfortunately, far too similar to that of the rest of the year (but somehow objectively worse). The promise a new semester inherently holds makes scrolling through spring semester listings oh-so-compelling. If you are one of the many people having issues with scheduling, here is a list of tips and tricks for you to try:

  1. Check UR Student for a specific course.
  2. Look at CDCS when your classes are inevitably not posted on UR Student.
  3. If you can’t find your course on CDCS, check the University website for your major and look for the course there.
  4. Go back to UR Student and type in the exact course listing you found on the University website.
    1. Wait, it’s not showing up?
  5. Text your friends who all somehow have their schedules for all eight semesters of college together and are looking at grad schools in Java’s — even though they’re sophomores — for help as you hit refresh over and over and over.
  6. Manifest some positive affirmations as a study break from your study break.
  7. Attempt to access your schedule without hitting the UR Student homepage and end up cursing out the site formatting for a solid 10 minutes.
  8. When attempting to view your schedule mockups, hit the button for fall semester instead of spring semester and be forced to repeat #7 all over again.
  9. Wait, are all your classes online?
    1. No, this can’t be.
    2. One of them literally has five people in it.
  10. Come up with a game plan to get all your courses in person, because come on, you’re not paying an exorbitant amount of money to just sit in your dorm room and talk about Gilgamesh’s intimate relationship with literacy at a screen for three hours.
  11. Hack into the mainframe and attempt to read the source code for extra information.
    1. When you can’t, ask your local CS major if you can socially-distantly drag them out of their room.
  12. Hold a seance at the grave of Susan B. Anthony (or in the lobby of Sue B.; the lights flicker enough for her to be inhabiting it part-time) to ask for answers.
    1. Bonus points if you leave an offering of a final paper that was started under three hours before the due date.
  13. Print out photos of all the Doctors Chatbot and make a shrine to them.
  14. Pray at the shrine that you get at least one class in person.
  15. Scream into the void (or just in 500W).
  16. Drown your sorrows in a peppermint mocha hot chocolate from Starbucks with the dregs of your declining before you leave for break.
  17. Attempt the Konami code on your laptop while UR Student is timed out as a joke — wait, did that actually do something?
  18. Realize that your only in-person class has a professor with just one RateMyProfessor review from 2007.
    1. Great.
  19. And you have to get rid of all your full registration holds.
    1. It could be worse — you could be taking bio and chem at the same time again.
  20. Miss your meeting with your academic advisor and panic email them at 3 a.m., complete with a “Sent from my iPhone” tagline.
  21. Regret not having a good cry in the stacks before leaving campus.
  22. Just worry about it later. You’ve done a good job procrastinating thus far.

URMSD Spectrum hosts drag benefit show

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Student response to off-campus protests

At the vigil on Jan. 7 honoring Tyre Nichols, only a handful of UR students were in attendance. In an…

A Shrekcellent way to deal with stress

It is here that they worship none other than “Shrek.” Every member must show up with a red flower bearing blue thorns as a symbolic offering.