It’s a calm, breezy Monday afternoon, the squirrels (who weren’t eaten) are everywhere, and the dogs are barking. “Wait,” you think mid-toke, “dogs are just people with paws.”

But then your eureka moment is cut short when a text comes in from Trent. “K-9s on campus. Hide your stuff.” You’re in no condition to go anywhere, so you decide to finish what you started. To take your elevated mind off of things, you open the meme page.

You realize that not only are police kicking down doors to look for drugs unannounced, but students are getting arrested for pounds of marijuana, and the administration and Public Safety are in cahoots with RPD.  One student in Sue B. even had his own growing operation. Another student got arrested in front of a tour group. Ketamine, cocaine, the works.

You realize you only have one choice — operation “Flushed Away” (2006). You arise, fling the roach on the ground, and beeline to your dorm.

Hiding the mason jar under your shirt, you head to the bathroom. You open the jar, and tip three precious nugs into the swirling abyss below.

Tragic tales like this happen every day, but they don’t have to.

Instead of believing every meme and rumor this campus comes up within the span of two hours, a healthy amount of skepticism and the occasional pausing to check your sources might save you next time from sprinting out of class to your room to hide your bong from dogs that aren’t coming. Instead of sitting, paranoid, in a coffee shop with a backpack full of weed, you could perhaps try thinking critically about whether or not RPD would actually arrest a student in front of a tour group. Or ask yourself, if there is a video, why hasn’t it surfaced? If there are eyewitnesses to these arrests, why has every single person heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend?

Despite the hash-induced hysteria, most of the memes were still funny, so we rated a few:

This meme is only funny because it evokes the nostalgia of “Drake & Josh.” Like an actor past their prime, this meme rides the coattails of the original scene’s hilarity, without contributing much on its own. However, it does that which all good memes should aspire: conveys a situation in a funny, relatable format. There is no evidence to suggest Public Safety is lying, but the UR student body isn’t convinced by the weird coincidences on campus last Wednesday, and they’re going to let Public Safety know. 8/10

A bit of a slow burner, this meme really makes you think. It’s the meme equivalent of  “Memento;” you can’t appreciate it fully until you see it a second time. It takes a while to click, but once it does (“I don’t get it, it’s a pot in a toilet — Oh, wait, it’s pot in a toilet”), it’s truly rewarding. Most importantly, the sentiments are true. People were taking their weed out of their rooms, and hiding it both on and off campus. 10/10

The shocked Pikachu meme shows that we as a society know how to make fun of ourselves. Even though we know our bad ideas won’t yield the results we want, we do them anyway. As much as UR students pretend it’s not, recreational marijuana is still illegal in New York. Is it a bad idea to have illegal substances in your room? Probably. Will this recent scare deter any potheads from stashing their stuff in UR residencies? Not at all. 9.5/10

Tagged: memes

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