Ere is October, wretched and pallid.

Venus is in retrograde,

Thy Value shall be challenged

The Month begins with Mercury facing dark Monster Pluto

Manipulation is in the air for thee Taurus, but it’s, like totally fine,

like I didn’t want to bother you, you know?

Hardworking Capricorn, thy Lawn is meticulous and fecund

Find thyself speaking to snakes, similar to the thematic content of “Pop Style” by Drake

on October the 2nd

October 5th will have thee considering thy Relationships, Pisces

Be true to thineself, instead of taking to the high Seas

Like Frankenstein in “Frankenstein”

I just read that Book

Aries, my Child, thy Relationships will feel fresh

On October 8th, something that rhymes with fresh

Libra, look up into the new Moon so Brite

Thou will find thyself transformed emotionally on October the 9th

On October 10th, Communication is telling

for Thee Scorpio, go off, sis, I’m yelling

Mercury connects with Saturn on October the 12th

Support will come for thee, Virgo, especially if thou put thy Cereal on the top Shelf

Mercury meets Venus Retrograde on October 15th

Intuition for thee Cancer, will surely be peak

Gemini, the Twin sign, hast thou ever seen “The Shining”?

Creative Energy enters you on October 19th, an opportune timing

Sagittarius, the Sign that looks like the show “Animorphs”

Refuge thou shall seek on the 23rd, of course

Little Leo, at times, thou wish to be the only one

October 24th will bring News to your Career, maybe also News to Mumford and Sons

but I don’t know, I can’t predict that

what happened to them?

For thee, Aquarius, what is thy public Perception to be?

On October 26th, maybe watch “90 Day Fiance” on TLC

that’s a good Show

Not all is lost on October the 31st,

Venus Enters Libra

And Thou Shall Rebirth

Good Luck to you Signs,

liked, loved, and hated

Masturbation isn’t a Sin

I’m just saying, because it’s often conflated

 



Horrorscopes

The University will grant full legal, medical, and disciplinary amnesty from any wrongdoing they could commit on the sole condition that they write an essay afterward. Read More

Horrorscopes

When asked about how they got their license, the culprit reported that they aced their driving test, which opened up yet another investigation into the local DMV and their standards. Read More

Horrorscopes

This past October, three professors in various fields of STEM were granted the Goergen Award in recognition of their teaching accomplishments and skills. Named after URochester Trustees Robert and Pamela Goergen, this award recognizes URochester faculty for their excellence in teaching. The Goergen Award is often awarded for top-quality classroom performance, but can also be […]