Hello, my name is Toulouse Drukker. I am a year-and-a-half-old male tabby cat, and I am writing this to apply to UR’s Class of 2021. I believe that with my personality, life experience, accomplishments, and my charity work, I will make a contribution to University as a student.

Also, I hear that University likes Money—I have heard it on multiple times. In addition to my contributions as a student, I know my roommate (21 years old, female, walks on two legs) can probably provide the Money for me. I hear it’s about $64,000 a year? I think she’d like to do that so I can University.

In the year and a half that I have been alive, I’ve managed to really get my name out there, particularly for someone who only lives indoors. I’ve actually only left home maybe a dozen times. Despite this disadvantage I’ve travelled the country to other houses and once even spent an hour outside! And trust me, if I can spend part of the afternoon napping in a bush 10 feet from the house while Roommate digs through the snow and knocks on neighbors’ doors, I can definitely get her to agree to some sort of arrangement where she pays Money to University. If you would like evidence of  my time outside, please check my LinkedIn. There were many people watching Roommate search for me and they kindly agreed to write testimonies about it.

While I know all you want to hear about is the Money that Roommate is about the shell out for you, I’d like to add that as a cat, I’m very precocious. There was a time I faced an obstacle, and I thought about it carefully, determined what efforts needed to be put forth, then overcame it. Evidence of this may be found in my kitchen where there is a hole in the wall because it was acting as an obstacle for me to seeing what was behind the wall. One day, I decided scratching would be best. Now, thanks to me, we know that behind the wall is more wall, then after that, more wall. There were times facing this obstacle that I was disappointed. I thought to myself, “This is just a bunch of wall, is there any meaning to this scratching at all?” Then, after maybe the fourth wall, I broke through, and found that after fourth wall, there is nothing. Roommate put a fun sheet there, making it extra enjoyable to jump through it back and forth between kitchen and bathroom. It is all thanks to me.

Finally, I would like to appeal to your humanitarian side. I know you want to hear about how Roommate is a good provider with lots of Money. I know because every day she feeds me multiple times, I have toys and towers, and I see my doctor all the time. It’s true that I am an intelligent, well-rested, and artistic cat, with the monetary backing of what I believe is a financial giant. However, I want help from the administration to decide as to what to major in. I want to major in whatever Roommate majors in, but I heard her once say she was assigned a long paper by “that old dog” and I am worried that the professors are dogs? I cannot take classes with dogs, so please help me. I still only want to take the classes Roommate takes though. I am actually applying because she leaves every morning and doesn’t come back until the afternoon and then she has to flip through pages until she’s flipped through every one of them. I’m thinking if I too am a student we can flip pages together? Maybe we can take a class with more scratching and napping? Any information I can get will be helpful.

Thank you for your consideration and go you Yellowjackets!

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